FINDING FAITH
(Sequel to Merely Mortal & Stepping Stones)
By Eos
(dewdrop@mochamail.com)

PAIRING: F/K

RATING: R for sex, language and lots of angst. It's going to be a bumpy ride
for a while.

DISCLAIMERS: Faith, Kate, & all other Mutant Enemy characters are not owned by
me. However the rest are entirely my own creations. Lyrics used without
permission.

SPOILERS: Everything up to "Carpe Noctem" is fair game. Also spoilers for the
Buffy episode "The Gift" and general spoilers for the first couple of episodes
of the 6th Season. 

This is the third in a series. The other two stories are: 
Merely Mortal - http://www.irdweb.net/faithandkate/eos/MerelyMortal.htm 
Stepping Stones - http://www.irdweb.net/faithandkate/eos/SteppingStones.htm

SUMMARY: Continues on from Merely Mortal & Stepping Stones. Faith and Kate's
relationship is tested when Faith's behaviour becomes erratic after Buffy's
death.

NOTES: While writing this my own Golden Retriever passed away. So this is for
you, my little girl, for giving me so much happiness and unconditional love
over the last 13 years. I miss you. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--

'Say a prayer for ourselves
And the love that we leave behind
Take that love while it lasts
'Cos it might not come again'
- "Oxygen" sung by David Franj

CHAPTER ONE

The Slayer sat in her car, watching the parade of people walking along the
sidewalk. She was one of them now. A full-fledged citizen, with all the rights
of one. Her eyes flickered to the building in front of her. For the last eight
months she had been a regular visitor to the place, but today was the last time
she had to report there. Her parole was over. She had done her time and now she
was a free woman.

"Free," Faith said softly trying out the word. Approaching footsteps
interrupted her musing as they stopped at her car. She looked up and tried to
hide her surprise.

"Faith?" Two men in dark suits stared back at her.

"Who the hell wants to know?" Faith asked reaching for her keys.

"I don't recommend you do that," the man in sunglasses said as he put a hand
on the steering wheel.

"We are with the Council of Watchers," the other man said with a strong
British accent. "All we want to do is have a chat with you."

"Why?" Faith asked suspiciously.

"Now that your parole is over you are free to do things that you couldn't
before." Casually they slipped into the car. The man in sunglasses settled in
the passenger seat, still holding the wheel.

"Like what?"

"You are the only Slayer now. There are certain duties you have to perform."

Faith looked down, the news of Buffy's death still painful to hear. "What do
you want?" She asked in a low voice.

"There may be times when you will be needed at the Hellmouth."

"I can do that," Faith said softly.

"From time to time, we will require you to carry out missions."

"I don't have to move up there?" Faith asked torn between her contempt for the
men and doing right by Buffy.

"No. You have been doing extremely well since you've been out of jail.
Exceeded our expectations in fact. We don't want to rock the boat, so to
speak." The man in sunglasses pulled out a business card. "This is your contact
in LA. For all intent purposes she will be your Watcher. She will give you
assignments, you will carry them out." There was no mistaking the warning in
his voice.

"What about Giles?" Faith asked taking the card and tucking it into her jacket
pocket.

"Mr Giles was Buffy Summers' Watcher. We know you trust him, but the Council
doesn't think he should be carrying out Watcher duties at this time," the man
in the back seat answered.

"What about my slaying here?"

"You will continue exactly as you have been, except for these missions. If
circumstances change in Sunnydale we may have to review your duties."

"What happens if I refuse?" Faith asked, testing the waters.

"We will bring forth a new Slayer who will carry out the Chosen One's duties,"
the man in the sunglasses replied in a low voice.


"How often will I go up there?"

"As often as is needed. Everything is subject to circumstance, as you can
appreciate the unpredictable nature of this job."

"I think you will find I'm very willing to do my duty," Faith smiled briefly.
"I'm a different person than I was a couple of years ago."

"The Council recognises your efforts to change and this is why we are giving
you this chance. Make no mistake, if you neglect your calling again we will
have no option but to kill you."

"So, tell me about this Watcher?" Faith asked, trying her best to ignore the
chilling words. At least when she was rogue she could knock these English suits
around.

"She…We think you work better with females. It was an unfortunate thing that
your Watcher in Boston was killed." Seeing a flash of pain on the Slayer's
face, his face softened slightly. "There was nothing you could do. Jacinta
Milton has been in America for a year, competent in all areas that a Watcher
should be and an expert on the Hellmouth. She has been briefed on your
situation and is willing to give you some space."

Yeah, wouldn't want to get too close to a murderer, Faith snickered to
herself. The suits looked at her, expecting her to say something. "When do I
meet her?"

"You don't, not yet. She will contact you when she needs you. You will meet,
go over the mission requirements and when you have completed it you will report
back. She will have all the information needed for each mission. Do not contact
her unless you absolutely need to."

"Am I allowed backup?" Faith asked knowing Kate wasn't going to like this new
development.

"If you are talking about Detective Lockley, that is up to you. However if she
dies while on a mission, the blame will be solely on you. We have seen you work
together a couple of times and think the arrangement is satisfactory. If you
are talking about Angelus, the answer is no."

"The name is Angel," Faith argued. "Is there anything else?"

"You are a Slayer, Faith. Never forget that. We are only asking you to do what
you have been called for. If you are doing what is required, we may overlook
the unusual situation we find ourselves in. If you misbehave, we will take
those privileges away."

"I understand," Faith said glancing at the man in sunglasses. "Am I allowed to
tell Kate of the situation?"

"Yes. We know you rely on her for support and training. However, the less
people you tell the better it is for you."

"Okay." Faith leaned into the man. "You don't jerk me around, I won't jerk you
around either. The way Buffy told it, you need me more than I need you. I know
my responsibilities, but don't think I'm your puppet."

"Far from it," the man in the back seat said. "But don't forget we are the
ones keeping an eye on Sunnydale, not you."

"I was called in Boston, if you remember. It's a long way from here. I was the
one who made my way to Sunnydale. Don't take the moral high ground."

"Hey relax." The man gave her a cheesy grin. "We're all on the same side here."

"Doesn't make us friends, it never will," Faith replied as she reached for her
keys again. "Now if you have finished, would you mind letting me get back to my
life."

"Good luck, Slayer," the man said as he climbed out of the back. 

Faith watched as the other man followed. They rounded the street corner,
leaving Faith to ponder their words. The Slayer leaned back in the seat
gathering her shaky thoughts before starting the car. At least she'd survived
her first face-to-face encounter with the Council since getting out. Thinking
back on the conversation, she knew there wasn't a choice. She was the Slayer,
she would do her duty.

********************

As Kate parked near Faith's apartment, she noticed a moving van positioned out
front. There were two men unloading furniture. As she entered the courtyard,
she noticed Harold and some of the other residents help move the furniture up
to Mrs McGrath's old apartment. The case of the missing landlady, who had been
gone now five weeks, was in limbo. No one had seen anything that would point to
the disappearance and the police didn't have any suspects to consider for foul
play. The officers concluded that the woman had vanished without a trace. A
check on her family had turned up nothing, leading the officers to think that
she had changed her identity.

"Hey," Kate greeted as she found their neighbour Evelyn watching the activity.
"What's going on?"

"Apparently Mrs McGrath still owed the bank mortgage, so they've reclaimed the
property and sold it."

"It's only been five weeks," Kate observed.

"When I say money, I'm talking thousands. She's missed two payments. The bank
couldn't wait until she decided to show up again. I don't think anyone actually
thinks she's going to come back."

"They sure found a buyer quick smart," Kate commented.

"Maybe the bank offered a very competitive price. Anyway, the goss is a
wealthy bachelor is moving in."

They stood watching for several minutes, both appreciating the well-built men
who were doing the moving.

"You better not let Faith catch you watching them," Evelyn chuckled.

"Could say the same about Jackson," Kate replied referring to their
neighbour's husband. "Anyway Faith might admire the view too."

"Well, I certainly couldn't say the same about Jackson," Evelyn laughed.

Since she found out about Faith and Kate's relationship, she had warmed to the
situation. While awkward moments still passed between them, for the most part
she was accepting of their relationship.

"Well, I better check on Alexia," Kate said as she waved goodbye. She entered
the apartment where an exuberant Golden Retriever greeted her. "Hey girl."

Alexia picked up a ball and dropped it at Kate's feet. Smiling, the cop threw
it for her before moving into the bedroom where she started dressing for the
coming evening. She couldn't wait until Faith came home flashing that smile of
hers. For the last week all the Slayer had talked about was the end of her
parole. So to celebrate she had arranged a special surprise for her. When the
phone rang she knew it would be a certain person to confirm their plans for the
evening.

********************

"Where are we going?" Faith asked watching the scenery go by in the passenger
seat.

"I already told you, it's a surprise," Kate huffed.

"Listen, I have to talk to you about something," Faith said seriously. As soon
as she had walked into the apartment, Kate had commandeered her into the car.

"Can it wait until later? Tonight is about having fun. Your first night as a
free woman!" Kate pumped her hand with ardour.

Faith shrugged, any excitement she felt about the end of her parole being
overshadowed by the Council's orders. "So what is up with the new neighbours?"

"Someone has bought the place," Kate replied as she steered into a parking lot.

"Let's hope the new owner isn't a demon."

"We can always keep our fingers crossed."

Kate pulled up in a spot across from their destination. The big flashing
lights proclaimed it to be 'Georgie's Bowlorama'.

"Ten pin bowling?" Faith asked biting her lip.

"Come on, the Anderson's are probably here."

Kate unbuckled the belt and exited the car. Faith followed, attempting an
enthusiastic smile and failing. She was bowling when she should have been doing
her Slayer duties…and when Buffy could no longer do either. They entered the
brightly lit building, immediately spotting the Anderson's waiting for them.
Attempting another smile, she gave Josh a hi-five and greeted her boss and his
wife.

"Congratulations," Marcus said as they shook hands. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," Faith waved off the compliment.

It was early, so they had no trouble finding a lane. Faith hung at the back
while their equipment was being arranged, wanting to be far away from the happy
crowd and the feel good music. She didn't belong here, she was a Slayer. No
scratch that. She was THE Slayer. The one and only Chosen One.

"Faith?" Josh asked as the group made its way over to their allocated lane. He
stopped and gave her a questioning glance when he noticed the Slayer hadn't
moved. Dragging herself out of her self-imposed depression, she smiled at the
boy and tagged along.

The evening was a laborious event for Faith. Hiding something from her lover
was never easy, but for once Kate was oblivious to her torment. The only person
to notice her mood was Josh.

"What's wrong, Faith?" Josh whispered as they sat next to each other in a
diner. The team consisting of Kate and Faith had won the bowling. Afterwards
they had headed across the street for some dinner.

"Can you keep a secret, JD?" Faith whispered back.

"Cross my heart," Josh said looking up to make sure no one was listening.

"I really wanted you to win tonight. I feel bad you lost."

"Oh, that's okay, Faith," Josh said placing a small hand on her arm. "You
played wicked good. You shouldn't feel bad."

"Thanks," Faith winked. A true smile graced her face at Josh's use of wicked.
Remembering the boy's ever present imaginary friend she asked, "So how's
Franco?"

"He's gone to San Francisco," Josh answered.

"He didn't stay for long then, did he?" Faith replied wondering about the
average life span of imaginary friends.

"He had to visit his sister."

"What's his sister's name?" Faith asked continuing the conversation, feeling
comfortable for the first time that night.

"Faith."

"Wow, we have the same name."

"I know," Josh said as if it was an amazing fact. "She and Franco went to a
carnival last week."

Faith sat back and listened to Josh weave a tale of clowns and carnival rides
for the rest of dinner. Several times his colourful descriptions had her
laughing.

"Will Franco be coming back?" Faith asked finishing off the rest Josh's
dessert that he had left.

"Maybe. It depends."

"On what?"

"He may want to stay with his sister."

"Well, I think if they have fun like that, Franco would be smart to stay
there," Faith grinned. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah," Josh agreed.

Their eyes locked in a moment of friendship, leaving Faith unbalanced. Josh
was so innocent and blissfully ignorant of the world that lay beyond his
experiences. She always wanted him to be like that and yet knew that over time
he would find out the world wasn't as wonderful as he thought it to be. Faith
broke the eye contact and looked at her watch, hoping the others would want to
go home soon.

"Faith," Josh tugged at her sleeve.

"Yeah?"

"You're my friend, aren't you?"

"Always, JD," Faith whispered, her heart pounding at the innocent question.
"Always."

********************

The crossbow bolt clicked into place. Faith nodded to herself as she put it
down so she could choose a couple of other weapons.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked coming from the kitchen. They had only been
home a couple of minutes.

"Where does it look like?" Faith asked picking up her gym bag, now full of
weapons.

"Now?"

"Yes, now," Faith said irritated at Kate's tone.

"I thought you would want to celebrate. First night of freedom, that's a great
milestone."

"I am celebrating. Now I won't be violating parole by doing a bit of violence
around the city. We can party when I come back."

"It's nearly ten now."

"So? Tomorrow's Saturday, it's not like we have to work."

"Faith, are you okay?" Kate asked stepping in front of her lover. "I expected
you to be…I don't know…happier about the situation."

"I need to do this."

"Why?"

"I'm a Slayer," Faith said taking a step forward. Kate blocked her path. They
locked eyes, battling for their way.

"Okay," Kate gave in with a sigh. "It's your first night back slaying free
from everything that has gone on in the last couple of years. I get that. But
there's something else going on." Their eyes didn't break contact. "Is this
about Buf-"

"Yeah, okay, it's about her," Faith said angrily, taking another step forward.
"Maybe if none of this happened, I would have been there watching her back."

"She sacrificed herself for her sister, you couldn't have stopped that, not
even if you wanted to take her place." Kate put her hand to the bridge of her
nose for a moment. This was not a new argument. Faith had been struggling with
Buffy's death since she'd heard from Giles. The Slayer seemed to find a new way
to blame herself each week.

"Two Slayers against one Hell Goddess. We would have won." Faith walked to the
door, bumping Kate's shoulder as she went. "It should have been me."

Before Kate could answer, Faith slammed the door. She waited for a second
debating with herself before stepping outside. Too late. The convertible
started and she looked on hopelessly as Faith drove away. Kate sighed and
turned to Alexia who was settled down on her bed for the night. She stood in
the door for a few more moments before shaking her head. The door slammed
behind her as she re-entered the apartment. Taking a book from the desk in the
corner of the room, she curled up on the couch and tried to pass the time. 

********************

The streets were quiet tonight, Faith sighed, wanting some action. There
weren't too many times in her life she wished she could talk to Angel, but now
was one of them. He was the only one that understood her relationship with
Buffy. He was also the only one who understood what it was like to be a soldier
of The Powers That Be. Duty came before everything, including one's life.

But Angel had left, not being able to handle his grief, leaving her to carry
on without his invaluable words of advice. Kate only wanted her to open up and
she wasn't ready to do that. Marcus or Barbara weren't an option as talking
about Buffy would have to include an explanation of their supernatural bond.
And now she had some Watcher keeping an eye on her. Just fucking great.

She was the only Slayer now. How ironic that a long time ago she wished this
very thing. She didn't know if she could handle the pressure. Playing second
string to Buffy allowed her the luxury of a relatively normal life. Her slaying
in LA was a piece of cake compared with what she'd faced in Sunnydale. The
Council could have asked her for so much more. They still could. In the end
they could force her to choose between her life and Kate. Neither was
acceptable. If she chose Kate they would kill her to bring about a new Slayer
and where would Kate be then? If she chose to follow Council orders they might
eventually move her to Sunnydale and she doubted Kate would follow her there.
Sure they said they wanted to be together forever, but how much was either of
them willing to sacrifice for the relationship?

This was her calling in life, the higher powers needed her to perform these
duties. Or hand them over to someone who could.

********************

"You waited," Faith remarked sliding her jacket off and haphazardly placing it
on the back of the couch. She flopped down and watched as Kate closed her book.

"You're so tense," Kate observed as she put a hand on a leather-covered thigh.
"Want a massage?"

"No. I'm going to go to bed."

"Well, that's a first," Kate said trying to keep her tone light. The distance
Faith was trying to put between them worried her. "I promise I won't make you
talk about what is bothering you."

"I don't know," Faith replied with a brief smile, "you have some sneaky ways
of making me talk."

"How about I put on some soft music and you go get undressed. It will help you
sleep better," Kate asked with a hopeful expression.

"As long as there's no talking," the Slayer warned.

Faith entered the bedroom and as she was undressing she heard Sarah
McLachlan's rich voice float through the apartment.

"I love you," Kate said moving over to the bed with a look of concern.

"I thought you promised not to talk," Faith joked, sticking out her tongue
before rolling onto her stomach.

"I don't think those words could ever be banned," Kate whispered. 

She straddled Faith's prone body, placing a kiss in the middle of the naked
back before running her hands over her lover's skin. She worked methodically to
release the tension built up in the Slayer's body. It took a while but by the
time Kate had worked her way to her thighs, Faith was asleep. She lifted the
covers over the worn-out Slayer and quietly left the room.

She sat down on the couch, joined immediately by Alexia. The Golden Retriever
pushed her way onto Kate's lap and settled down. Stroking the thick fur, Kate
leaned her head back and sighed. Buffy's death had changed Faith, yet she
couldn't give voice to those changes. Life after Buffy hadn't dramatically
altered in any way. Still, Faith was struggling with her feelings and digging
herself into a hole of self-pity. There was nothing the cop could do but be
there and support Faith as she worked through her pain.

********************

Faith slowed to a walk as she and Alexia entered their favourite park. She'd
left Kate sleeping, thinking that at least one of them should sleep in. She'd
woken up early after a nightmare. Not as vivid or horrifying as they were a
couple months ago, but enough to unbalance her for a couple of hours. Returning
her thoughts to the present, she watched Alexia sprint off to find her
favourite spots.

"Hi Faith," Jay acknowledged coming towards her. His dog Max wagged his tail
and greeted Alexia in the traditional dog way.

"Hey," Faith replied to the chef whom she saw regularly at the park.

"What are you doing this weekend?" He asked as they stopped in the middle of
the path.

"Nothing much. You?"

"Working as usual, but I have next weekend off. First time I won't be working
on a Saturday in months. I'm having a party. Want to come?"

"I'll get back to you on that," Faith replied with a smile.

"Right, I'd love to see you there. I have a lot of friends that are still in
college, you'll fit right in." Jay was nearly 26, closer to Kate's age than
hers. "I'm sure we'll see each other sometime during the week. Have a think
about it, okay?"

As Faith walked away she felt Jay's eyes on her. She knew the guy had a crush
on her and she didn't discourage the attention he gave her. After all there was
no harm in it, he knew she wasn't available.



She arrived back at the apartment, finding Kate's car gone. Grocery shopping,
Faith guessed. After making sure Alexia had settled down she headed out again.
When she arrived at her destination, she sat in the car for a few moments. Her
fingers tapped on the steering wheel contemplating turning around. Staring at
the building looming ahead, it was tempting. However, she had made it this far.
Mind made up, she slowly took the keys out of the ignition and pocketed them.

At the door she was checked for contraband, before being allowed into the
visitors area. She sat down on a spare seat and waited for the prisoner she
requested. As Frankie was led into the area she smiled at the reassuring
presence of the long-time inmate.

"Hey Slayer," Frankie grinned once she recognised her visitor.

"Hey," Faith returned the greeting half-hearted.

"Hold it," Frankie growled. "Don't tell me you've got problems on that side of
the world. Anything's got to be better than in here."

"Well, I thought so until about a month ago," Faith said. "Remember me telling
you about B?"

"Yeah, the girl that tried to help you before throwing you off a roof."

"That's her," Faith said, shamefully remembering Buffy's conviction that she
could help her. "She died a few weeks ago. It's my fault."

"Unless you killed her yourself, it can't be your fault." Frankie raised an
eyebrow, asking the unspoken question.

"I didn't, but-"

"But what?" Frankie asked cocking her head to one side. "Where you even there
when it happened?"

"No, but-"

"Then how come it is your fault? Did you know this was going to happen?"

"No, but-"

"Did you know something that could have prevented it? Should you have warned
her, gave her some advice, or have information she needed?"

"No, but it's-"

"It's what you didn't do, then," Frankie said wincing in empathy. "You weren't
there to back her up."

"Take her place," Faith hissed. "Her sister was in danger and she took the
fall for her. I should have been the one to do that." Faith slammed her fist on
the bench. "She did so much for me and now she's gone. It didn't have to be
like that. A week before she…died she phoned and told me she didn't need my
help. I should have gone anyways."

"Okay, so suppose you went to her. Would she have even let you die to save her
sister?"

Faith looked down knowing that only Summers blood could have shut the portal.
But being bonded to Buffy as a Slayer might have counted for something. If only
she hadn't been in jail, maybe the monks would have picked her instead. Looking
back up at the dark-haired woman she shook her head.

"Maybe you're right, it should have been you. You want it to be you, but it
isn't, Faith." Frankie only used her real name when she needed Faith's full
attention. "I don't have any magic words for you. You lost a friend and there
is nothing that can change that. Did you go to the funeral?"

Faith shook her head, wondering if Giles or Willow had the powers to bring
Buffy back to life. She wished she could convince The Powers That Be she was
the one who deserved to die. "I can't go back up there."

"It might bring some comfort. Was she buried?" Frankie asked and received a
nod. "Visit the grave." Faith shook her head in protest. "What does your woman
say?"

"She doesn't understand."

"Sounds like you're not giving her a chance to."

"What good is talking going to do!" Faith slammed her fist down again, making
the guards come towards her. Frankie held up her hand and indicated all was
okay.

"Not much unless you're willing. You came to see me, Faith, why?" Faith
frowned then gave her friend a confused look. "It wasn't just to see my ugly
mug, it was to talk to me."

Faith chuckled as she shook her head, partly at Frankie's inaccurate
assessment of her appearance and partly at the suggestion she was there for a
head-shrinking. They looked at each other through the clear pane.

"How do I move on?" Faith asked blinking back tears.

"You grieve, I can't tell you how to do that. I can only tell you that turning
to violence is the worse thing you can do. Work this out without using your
fists, Slayer. Otherwise you may find yourself back in here. You've finished
parole, haven't you?"

"Yeah, yesterday, but then you damn well knew the date," Faith replied.
"There's something else." Frankie waited for her to continue. "My six month
anniversary is coming up-"

"Congratulations," Frankie said pleased the girl changed the subject.

"Well, we've been dating for over six months, but we didn't do the wild thing
until a month after our first date."

"You waited a month!" Frankie laughed. "She must be something, this woman of
yours."

"It was worth the wait." Faith smiled in remembrance. "Do you think I should
ask her to move in?"

"Romance is not my department, Slayer," Frankie smirked. "But since you asked
so nicely. Ask yourself one question; how far do you see this relationship
going."

"All the way," Faith answered without hesitation.

"No, Slayer," Frankie said shaking her head. "That's what you want to happen.
But as serious as you sound, have you really considered what the possible
consequences of moving in with someone are? She has to give up her home for
you. If you should happen to break up what's going to happen then? Just how
serious are you at making a commitment to the relationship? This isn't just how
you feel about each other, this is about the relationship as a whole. How
workable it is."

"For someone who isn't an expert in romance that was one long answer."

"At the moment it might seem like your love will conquer all, but before
deciding you should look at the relationship from a practical point of view. If
you can't see it being stable, then give it more time."

"Do you think I'm old enough?" Faith asked uncertainly.

"No." Faith closed her eyes and accepted Frankie's assessment. "But I only
know how mature you were eight months ago. I never guessed you could be in a
long-term relationship. You like to play the field. You haven't been playing
the field have you?"

"No, god no," Faith shook her head violently. "She's been the only one since
we started dating."

"Well, there you go, I wouldn't have thought you could be faithful for more
than a couple of months. Don't listen to me, Slayer, listen to your own heart."
They looked at each other before laughing. "Fucking great, I sound like Dear
Abby. Look at what you're making me do, Slayer."

"Thanks Frankie," Faith said softly.

"You have a lot to think about. Good luck." Frankie pushed back her chair.
"Slayer? Promise me you'll stay out of trouble."

"I will, if you do as well."

"Hey, I'm no trouble. Right guys?" Frankie turned innocently to the guards.
They ignored her. "Catch ya later."

Faith nodded and watched the woman they called Frankenstein disappear back
into the prison. Back into a place that she should have died in. Give a
replacement Slayer a shot at stopping the demon world. Sighing heavily she left
the building and walked back into the sun.

********************
END PART ONE
********************



********************
PART TWO
********************

The black motorcycle gleamed under the hot sun. Standing there in the sale
yard, it beckoned a buyer.

"So, I'll come down on the price," the salesman offered almost rubbing his
hands together at the prospects of a sale.

"By how much?" Faith asked running her hands over the sleek machine. Over the
last few months she had managed to save a good amount, thanks to Kate teaching
her about budgeting.

"$500."

"Tempting," Faith answered with a playful smile. She looked over at the other
bikes on the site. None captured her attention like this Suzuki Marauder, but
she kept the salesman guessing. He had already offered her a Harley, but Faith
wanted something different, less cliché. The Marauder looked like a Harley,
which is what attracted her to it in the first place. But as the salesman
explained its features, she was convinced this cruiser was the one for her.
Best of all it comfortably carried two passengers with the passenger seat being
wide and thickly padded. She could easily picture Kate and her taking the
Suzuki for a spin on the weekends.

"Okay, I'll throw in a helmet," the salesman turned Faith's attention back to
the Suzuki.

"Two helmets," Faith offered still perusing the rest.

"Two helmets, colour of your choice," the salesmen answered with a confident
smile.

"I don't know." Faith played with her car keys. "But I like you, let's talk
about this baby's capacity."
 
The man nearly fell over himself as he ushered Faith into the small office. He
pulled out the papers and started going over the choice of two colours.

"No, I want the specifications. Engine, fuel capacity, transmission and how
much power it packs," Faith grinned. She wasn't a stranger around the fast
machines. One of her fuck buddies owned one in Boston and he let her ride it,
especially if he thought he would get a fuck out of the deal. Faith ended up
getting her motorcycle license, she rode it so much.

The salesman changed tact and by the end of his sales pitch, Faith had the
details she needed to make the decision.

"Can you give me until Monday?" Faith asked wanting to make sure she had the
money.

"Of course."

"Better have those papers ready for me, Marshall," Faith winked and they shook
hands. She collected the information he had given her and walked back to her
car.

On her way back from the penitentiary, she had spotted the row of bikes in the
dealership lot. Somehow, she'd gone from admiring the bikes to verbally
agreeing to buy one. She'd always wanted to own one, but a car was more
practical in terms of slaying. Kate was going to freak. She liked the idea that
she was defying some unwritten rule. Sometimes Kate was too straight-laced and
she loved rebelling against her lover's position of authority in small ways.
After all, it was only during the last year that she actually started to like
cops, most of her life had been spent dodging them not sleeping with them.

While her lover may try to stop her, and would most certainly warn her about
the dangers of the fast machine, Faith didn't care. She had a dangerous job
anyway. Well two jobs actually. She wasn't about to be miserable just because
having fun meant taking some risks. Buffy tried to be careful and look where it
got her. As far as Faith could tell, it didn't make much difference, if your
number was up you didn't have much choice.

********************

She returned to the apartment, still finding Kate missing. Changing into
workout sweats, she warmed up. Then as music blared from the stereo she went
through as series of exercises and fighting manoeuvres.

Her troubles vanished as she focussed her mind on feeling every movement of
her body. The contracting and stretching of her muscles, her heart pumping hard
to keep up with her body, the sweat building on the surface of her skin.
Nothing existed but the fluent motion of her body as it practiced a pattern of
drills. Drills that had become second nature to her after a few months of going
through them.

The phone interrupted a series of kicks she was unleashing on the punching
bag. She stopped the swinging object and raced over to it.

"Hello," she answered breathing heavily. A hand wiped away a trail of sweat
making its way down her forehead.

"Faith?"

"Maybe I am, who wants to know?"

"Jacinta Milton, your Watcher." Faith now heard a mild English accent in the
woman's voice.

"Right," Faith said feeling her heart beating rapidly. "Don't waste much time
do you?"

"I thought we should meet before our first mission."

"Yeah," Faith responded not really listening.

"How about dinner tonight?"

"Uh, you do realise that it's a Saturday night." Faith walked into the kitchen
and poured herself a glass of chocolate milk.

"Slaying should always come first," Milton said, a slight irritation in her
voice.

"And it will…when there is a mission. No disrespect to you, but can't this
wait until tomorrow or Monday?"

"I'm sure Detective Lockley would be understanding of why you can't be with
her tonight."

Faith shook her head and decided to see how much leverage she would have with
this woman. "We will meet tomorrow. You tell me where and I'll be there.
Tonight I already have plans. Unless you want to spend a very unpleasant and
uncomfortable evening in my company."

"Have a pen?" Jacinta then gave Faith the address of an English pub where they
would meet the next day. "I want to start off on the right foot, Faith. I'm not
here to run your life, only do what I have sworn to do as a Watcher."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Faith said. "Oh and by the way, you interrupted a
training session. So you'll have to excuse me." She hung up the phone with a
crash. "Fucking Watchers."

********************

Kate opened the door, immediately blasted by loud music. She greeted Alexia,
then turned down the volume of the stereo. The sounds of Faith playing the
PlayStation were almost as loud. How she could hear it over the stereo, Kate
didn't know.

"I take it you haven't noticed the activity outside?" Kate asked picking up a
damp towel from the floor. She put it in the dirty clothes hamper and turned
back to her lover who was furiously tapping the controls. "The new neighbour is
meeting the residents. Very exciting."

"Fawning would be a good description for what the residents are doing to the
guy," Faith replied pausing the game. "Yes, he's rich and is good looking if
you like that type, and yes he is our new landlord, but geez."

"He also has the power to evict." Kate sat down on the couch and took off her
shoes.

"My lease has another five months," Faith shrugged and restarted the game.

Kate moved into the kitchen to rustle up some dinner for them. She heard
footsteps come up behind her.

"What do you want tonight?" There was no reply, but a pair of brown eyes never
let her out of her sight. "It's going to have to be canned food."

Alexia kept looking at her, her ears moving when she recognised the actions
that would lead to her dinner. A couple of minutes later she was happily
munching away. Kate turned her attention to their evening meal.

"So where were you today?" Kate asked as they sat down to eat.

"Here and there," Faith shrugged. "You?"

"Doing some housework. My apartment has been neglected for the last few
weeks," Kate said conversationally, but she felt Faith had her attention
elsewhere. "Didn't you say you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"When?" Faith asked hoping to fool Kate.

"Last night, before we went bowling."

"It can wait."

Kate threw her a sceptical glance before going back to her dinner. A silence
descended over the table as Faith shovelled her food down in a bid to escape
the scrutiny she was under. Thankfully there was a knock on the door as she
laid her utensils down.

"Hello, are you Faith De Silva?" Her new landlord asked with a smile. As Faith
had already stated, the man had the combination of money, looks and a charming
presence. 

"Yep, that's me. And you are?"

"Benjamin Davenport, the new owner of this delightful building." They shook
hands.

"Would you like to come in?" Faith asked making nice.

"Thank you," he said as he stepped in. "You workout?"

"Yes," Faith replied as his eyes wandered over the equipment she had left out.
"This is Alexia."

"Hello," Benjamin greeted the overenthusiastic puppy. "Evelyn, I think that's
her name," he paused while Faith confirmed the fact, "told me she is the
brother and daughter of her two dogs."

"Yes. I take it you have no problems with animals?" Faith asked offering him a
seat on the couch.

"As long as they don't bark all hours of the night, I see no reason why they
can't stay. Evelyn has vouched that they are all well-behaved."

"Hello," Kate said coming in and introducing herself to Benjamin.

"You live here too?"

"No."

"She's my girl," Faith said taking Kate's hand and leading them to the lounge
chair. While Kate sat on the cushion, Faith propped herself on the chair.
"Might as well get it out the way right now. She spends a lot of time here."

"Thank you for being honest," Benjamin nodded smiling. "But it's not my
business, is it?"

"No, but some people like to make a fuss about it," Faith said warming to him.

"Did the last landlord do that?"

"No, she didn't know, as many of our neighbours don't. But she was in her
fifties and conservative so we thought if it did come out it might be a
problem," Kate explained.

"Well, I'm making the rounds and letting everyone know that I don't intend to
change things. Of course if you break any laws or don't pay on time I will have
to intervene-"

"As any good landlord would," Kate said.

"I bought this place because I love it. Many of the residents said they chose
here for the same reason. Things appear to be running smoothly and I don't want
to interrupt that. As you probably know, I'm moving in as well. If you have any
problems come and see me. If you find you are having financial problems maybe
we can work something out, it's not like this is my primary source of income.
Oh and by popular demand Harold has kept his maintenance duties." Benjamin
smiled again.

"What about our leases?" Faith asked crossing her fingers.

"This is a long-term investment for me, I hope all the residents will re-sign
when their current agreements run out. Be rest assured that you are welcome
here as long as you want."

"And rent payments, are you going to put them up?" Kate asked.

"No. Obviously I will have to adjust them sometime, but most of the leases
still have at least six months to run. They will not be put up until at least
then." Benjamin looked at the two women. "Well, unless you want to talk about
something in particular, I must finish meeting everyone."

Shaking her head Kate said to him, "Nice meeting you." Then she disappeared
back into the kitchen.

Faith and Benjamin walked to the door. He bid a friendly goodbye before Faith
shut the door. From the window she watched him take the steps up to the second
level of apartments, a hunch forming in her mind about the bachelor.

"What do you think?" Kate asked clearing the dinner plates.

"Don't think he's a demon," Faith answered finishing the last of her chocolate
milk. "Unless this place is a demon magnet."

"Looks like you have a place to live for a few years."

"Few years," Faith echoed with a hollow chuckle, painfully aware of Kate using
'you' and not 'we'. "I can't even see the end of this year." She opened her
mouth to say something, then closed it quickly with a shake of her head.

"Thank goodness he allows animals," Kate changed the subject wondering what
her lover was thinking about. The last month had been a painful time for the
Slayer, and Faith was increasingly retreating behind a wall of silence. Any
attempt to talk to her brought more recriminations about Buffy's death.

"Yeah. Listen, can you clean up here, I'm going slaying." Faith walked into
the bedroom, already pulling off her top and grabbing a clean one.

"I thought we might go down and play some pool," Kate suggested already
resigned about spending her Saturday night alone.

"No, but don't let me stop you."

"Then I'm patrolling with you," Kate said picking up her shoes.

"No thanks."

"It wasn't a request." Kate glared at the Slayer who was throwing on her brown
leather jacket.

"I'm going alone," Faith argued picking up the bag of weapons from the corner.

"No, you're not."

"You going to stop me?" Faith snickered, tickled by the thought. "I don't
think so."

Kate stared at her, not amused. "Either I'm coming with you or I will handcuff
you to the bed."

"The bed?" Faith laughed. "Trying to tell me you want to experiment, baby?"

"I'm serious," Kate said. "I'm not letting you out there, not while you're
like this."

"Like what?" Faith taunted. "Pumped up? Ready to kick some ass?"

"Blaming yourself for Buffy's death."

"Oh, is that what I'm doing this for? Funny I thought it was to protect the
good people of LA from some wicked ugly demons. You know, considering that I'm
a Slayer, I think I have a right to do some slaying," Faith sneered and walked
towards the door. In a scene that was becoming a familiar dance, Kate blocked
her path. "Don't do this, Kate."

"Why? Are you going to hit me if I don't move?" Kate crossed her arms daring
her to cross that line.

"There is more than one way out of this apartment, just let me go out the easy
way." Faith avoided Kate's question, wondering if she could ever hit Kate,
something she'd sworn to never do.

"The easy way," Kate snorted. "The easy way would be for you to talk to me
about what is bothering you. But no, you have to keep it bottled up. Faith, I
know what losing someone did to you once, I don't want it to happen again."

"Yeah, well maybe the fucking Powers That Be should stop killing those I care
about," Faith spat out. "Maybe it would have been better if I never started to
care in the first place."

"Buffy didn't agree with that."

"No, maybe she should have. Now I'm the only Slayer and I have a job to do,
whether you like it or not. So let me do it." Faith bumped Kate out the way
with her shoulder and yanked the door open. She was surprised when Kate didn't
put up another fight. "Everyone would have been better off if we all remembered
what a Slayer is." She slammed the door, once again leaving Kate alone.

********************

The place was busy when Faith entered the pub the next night. Affecting a
bored look, she scanned the noisy crowd trying to spot her new Watcher. She
couldn't see her.

"Faith," a voice called from behind her. Faith turned to see a blonde-haired
young woman standing at the bar.

"Milton?" Faith asked coming closer. The woman nodded. Faith smiled and gave
the Watcher a thorough checkout. While not beautiful, she was attractive enough
with shoulder length blonde hair and blue-green eyes. What struck Faith the
most was how young the woman was, the Slayer guessed she was in her mid to late
twenties.

"Call me Jacinta," the woman said holding out her hand. Despite not wanting
to, Faith found herself liking the woman. She took hold of the hand and gave it
a firm shake. "Shall we?" Jacinta pointed to a table where a couple of drinks
were sitting.

"So what's someone like you doing in a place like this? You don't look like
the Watcher type."

"And what's a Watcher supposed to look like?" Jacinta asked taking a sip of
her lemonade.

"Anal retentive," Faith smiled and was surprised to see a grin spread across
the woman's face.

"Yes, the majority of my colleagues are, as you so aptly put it, anal
retentive. However, I see no need to be so tedious in my work. We need to be
serious, we are dealing with a serious subject, but I always think that to do
this work we have to be healthy, both physically and psychologically. That is
what I'll be aiming to help you with."

"You sound like-" Faith stopped and frowned. It would be so easy to compare
this Watcher with her lover. For once the Council found a brain when assigning
her the young woman.

"The first thing I would like to do is get to know you." Jacinta sat back and
waited for Faith to start talking.

"I'm a murderer," Faith challenged with a smile.

"Yes, I'm well aware of that fact."

"Are you? Do you really know what you've got yourself into, Jacinta?" Faith
gave her another smile. "I've tortured one Watcher, lied to another and watched
another two die. Not exactly safe to be around me."

"You don't scare me." Jacinta put on a brave face. "The fact that you trust Mr
Giles and Detective Lockley, who have both offered their services, tells me you
are okay with them being around you. You wouldn't want the woman you love to
risk her life if you believed you are a death trap."

"You know, I thought you might know about our relationship, that's fine."
Faith leaned over the table and stared into the woman's eyes. "But don't ever,
and I mean ever, use it as a bargaining chip against me. I don't take kindly to
threats, as you should know. Especially by those in positions of authority."
Faith leaned back but didn't break her stare.

"I'm sorry, that was a mistake." Jacinta pursed her lips.

"You bet it was," Faith growled. "You say you want to know about me, but you
already know so much. So tell me, what do you really want to know?"

"It is true, the Council has an extensive file on you, but it doesn't tell me
much of the last eight months. Surprisingly the information on your activities
is general and confined to convert surveillance. What I want to know is your
daily routine, how you go about slaying and how your job fits into your life."

Begrudgingly Faith gave her what she wanted, leaving out anything she thought
she could get away with. This woman was nothing compared to her first Watcher
or even Giles. She was playing the game, wanting Faith to like her and while
Faith gave her some points for trying, it was lame. The only way this woman
would score points was if she showed her some healthy respect.

"Here is my address," Jacinta said handing Faith a card after the Slayer had
finished her narrative. "When I call, I expect you to come whatever you're
doing."

"Even if I'm working?" Faith asked with a slight curve of her lips. "How are
you going to manage to call me when I'm not at home."

"We British do know about cell phone technology," Jacinta smiled. "We also
know you have one. All you have to do is give me the number."

No respect there, Faith grinned. "Oh yeah? I've got a better idea. Why don't I
get an answering machine and you can leave me a message."

"And risk people's lives by wasting precious time?"

"I was told not to contact you unless it was absolutely necessary. If you do
the same for me, I will give it to you. Otherwise you might find me changing
the number." Jacinta provided a pen and a piece of paper and Faith wrote down
the number. "It's not always on, but I have voice-mail."

"Not always on?"

"Yeah, there's this thing called slaying. You know the drill, don't give away
your position when on the hunt. Technology can get in the way of this primitive
activity." Faith finished the rest of her drink. "You are only involved with
one part of my life, don't think you can tell me what to do because of it."

"It may be one part, but it is the most important. The privileges you are
being given are because-"

"You don't want to tell a murderer to obey every little rule you people
normally place on us Slayers. Don't want me going on a killing spree again. So,
don't patronise me, lady, we both know what this situation is about. You want
me to cooperate? I'll give you a hint. You leave anything that doesn't involve
my missions to Sunnydale out of our meetings and I'll do what you want. I am
the only one who knows what it is like to be a Slayer and all the Council
training, or is that brainwashing, in the world will never make you
understand." Faith paused in her tirade, her feelings about Buffy being stirred
up again. "I love being a Slayer, I'm good at it. I know my duty and there's no
need for you to burden me about it any further. I know I fucked up in
Sunnydale, but where was the Council when I needed you? Good old Wes decided to
kidnap me and make the situation a thousand times worse."

"It was a poor judgement call," Jacinta said carefully, watching Faith's anger
climb.

"Poor?" Faith laughed bitterly. "Angel was starting to make some sense to me
and if Wes hadn't interrupted I may have-" Faith stopped shaking her head. "It
is me who is indulging you with privileges. As Buffy said, what good is a
Council without a Slayer? You are going to have one hell of a battle if you
think I will lay down and give up my life because you want a new Slayer who
obeys your every command." Faith slapped her fist on the table. "I will do what
is asked, but don't pretend this is anything more. You are not my friend, and
you will never be someone I trust. The Council obviously thinks you can handle
me and I'm really waiting to see why they picked you because you haven't shown
much pizzazz for the job from what I've seen."

"Okay," Jacinta said calmly. "You want to know why I got this job? Your
Watcher in Boston, Emily, she was my sister."

Faith's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. All her anger disappeared and the
barely concealed grief rocked her. "I'm so sorry…I couldn't do anything…I'm so
sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jacinta replied, calmly passing Faith a
handkerchief. She saw it as a small step forward when Faith took it and wiped
away a couple of stray tears. "We all take the sacred oath knowing our lives
are forfeited to the greater good. Emily knew this and accepted the risk. As I
have done."

"She was a wicked cool woman," Faith smiled through the pain.

"I know. Growing up I always wanted to be like her."

Faith studied the woman, "You know, come to think of it you have the same eyes."

"Courtesy of our mother. The Council thought I could use my connections to
influence you, I now see how wrong they were. I didn't think you hated the
Council this much."

"Neat trick, but no magic could make me like you…those guys again. As I said,
I will do this, but not because of the Council."

"Buffy," Jacinta guessed and the reply was a nod. "I was never meant to be a
Watcher, it wasn't until Emily died that I decided to do this."

Faith nodded and gave her a small smile. They looked at each other, finding a
connection that at least gave them reason to stop arguing.

"Why didn't you tell me that when you introduced yourself then?" Faith asked
after enduring the silence long enough. "Emily was like a big sister to me."

"I didn't want to use her name just so you would listen to me."

"Too bad, I think I might have," Faith smiled now relaxing. "If you are half
as good as she was, then I don't think you'll have to 'handle' me. She was…"
Faith broke off smiling in memory, "a friend, a sister, a role model even. She
told me she had a sister, but she never spoke much about her family."

"And she told me you were a troublesome but skilled Slayer who was improving
all the time," Jacinta also smiled at one of her own memories.

"She cut me so much slack. One time I came to her, two black eyes and a couple
of bruised ribs. She knew that it was from a street fight of the human kind,
but she never said anything. Just patched me up and gave me this knowing
smile," Faith laughed. "I don't think I've ever told anyone about her."

"Not even Kate?" Jacinta asked immediately earning a glare. She quickly backed
down. "Sorry."

"Emily, she's in here," Faith thumped her chest. "After it happened, I…it was
so bad I blocked most of it out, pretended it never happened. By the time I
reached Sunnydale, it was too painful to talk about when the others found out.
I only started to realise how good she was to me during those long boring days
in jail."

"She gave one hundred percent, always."

"She sure was something," Faith said with a laugh and looked at Jacinta,
seeing her for the first time as an ally. "The Council was right, I'm going to
give you a chance because of Emily. You know what it is like to lose someone to
this job and I respect that. But don't be playing games with me, it doesn't
work."

"So is this a truce?" Jacinta proffered a hand which Faith took. "I wasn't
sure what to expect as you can appreciate everyone seems to have an opinion
about you. I was determined to put that aside and get to know you. Hopefully we
will work well together."

"We better…for both our sakes," Faith said thinking about the Council's
willingness to use violence. Jacinta nodded in reply. "If you don't mind, I'd
like to get going."

"Faith?" Jacinta asked as they stood. "Thank you for trying to protect Emily."
Faith nodded unable to respond verbally. "She cared for you."

"I…cared for her, too," Faith choked out and turned her head as she blinked
back a tear. Goddamn it, she cursed. Turning back she acknowledged Jacinta with
a nod and walked out of the noisy establishment.

********************
CHAPTER TWO

The table was set for four places in the Anderson's kitchen. Faith crawled
into the room with Josh on her back pretending to be a horse. He wouldn't climb
off until she neighed a couple of times. After making a fool of herself in
front of his amused parents, she stood and brushed herself before sitting down.

"So where's Kate?" Marcus asked as he smiled at his wife who laid a delicious
looking dinner in front of him.

"Still working, I think," Faith replied. 

It was Tuesday and they hadn't spoken much since Saturday. Kate had opted to
sleep at her apartment the last couple of nights. She hadn't told the cop about
the events of the weekend, not willing to get into another tense situation
because she wasn't talking as much as Kate wanted her to. The day before she
had picked up her bike and immediately ditched her car in favour of the black
machine. Since Kate hadn't seen it yet, she had driven her car to the
Anderson's so they wouldn't break the news before she could.

It felt good to have that freedom on the road. Nothing in the world travelled
like a motorcycle. It made her feel dangerous…alive. To have the engine
thundering under her and the road in front of her. It was the most alive she
had felt since Buffy's death other than having sex. She hoped Kate would want a
ride on it, instead of wanting her to take it back, but that was wishful
thinking.

"I wish she were here, we have some news we wanted to share," Barbara said
smiling.

"Is that why you asked me to dinner?" Faith asked taking her first bite of the
casserole.

"Yes. Marcus and I want to tell you something." Barbara reached across and
took her husband's hand. "I'm pregnant."

"Wow," Faith said shocked. "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to have a brother or sister," Josh said excited.

"When did you find out? When is it due?" Faith asked not sure of the correct
etiquette in this situation. The only women she'd known to be pregnant were
girls at school or in her neighbourhood.

"A few weeks ago. I'm three and a half months along. We only told this one,"
she indicated to Josh, "yesterday."

"Didn't think he could keep a secret like that for long, huh?" Faith winked at
the boy.

"We want you and Kate to be the godparents."

"I-" Faith swallowed hard. "I can't."

"Of course you can," Barbara dismissed. "You are like part of this family."

"No, I can't," Faith said adamantly. "I can't do this."

"Faith?" Marcus asked worried.

"I don't mean any offence, but you've got the wrong person. Don't ask me
again." Faith stood up and looked around confused. "I should go."

"Please stay," Marcus said briefly touching her shoulder. "We will work this
out later."

"There's nothing to work out," Faith said looking between her boss and his
wife. "I'm sorry but I can't accept the offer. I'm sure Kate wouldn't mind
though."

"Do you mind if I ask why?" Barbara asked frowning.

"Because I'm not the type of person you want for this." Faith held up her hand
as both parents protested. "Trust me, you may think you know me, but you don't.
Please don't mention this again."

"Are you doing drugs?" Barbara asked staring at Faith.

"Drugs, no way," Faith scoffed. "I'm going to motor." She went to leave but
Marcus stood and grabbed her shoulder. "Marcus, don't."

"Is something wrong?"

"Yes, there is." Faith levelled her gaze on the tall man. "I think it is time
you know who I am."

"I don't understand."

"I'm a killer, Marcus. I've taken human life. Only I didn't go to jail for it
because the evidence was tainted. You don't want me to be your baby's
godparent. Hell after this I probably won't have a job. In fact I'll make it
easy for you, I quit."

She shrugged off Marcus's grip and raced to the door grabbing her car keys at
the same time. As she jumped into the car, she heard Marcus yelling at her but
she didn't pay any attention as she started the engine and backed out of the
drive. She headed for her apartment. 



When she arrived, she swapped vehicles. The motorcycle grunted to life and she
took a path through the city to a place she had never been before. Once there,
she stopped the bike and leaned it over. After pulling her helmet off, she
placed it on the handlebars. Looking up at the place, it looked as bad as the
first apartment building she had lived in after her release from jail. She made
her way up to the apartment and knocked.

When the door opened a casually dressed Watcher opened the door.

"Faith," Jacinta said stunned.

"I'm in deep shit," Faith said tears pooling in her eyes.

Jacinta opened the door and let the Slayer in. Faith walked to the sofa and
slumped in it. Her eyes did not even take in her new surroundings.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Got any Jack Daniel's?" Faith laughed bitterly.

"Is that whiskey? I do have some fine English port."

"Anything, as long as it does the trick." She watched as the jean-clad woman
poured out two glasses of the deep red liquid and handed her a glass.

"I'm not Emily, Faith." Jacinta sat down next to her and studied her new charge.

"I know…" Faith took a mouthful not knowing what to say. "Everything is
so…confusing at the moment. I just told my boss I'm a murderer and quit."

"Why?"

"Why?" Faith laughed in despair. "Because he thinks I'm some…moral, upstanding
citizen that he'd like to make his unborn child's godparent." Faith shook her
head. "Of course, he doesn't know I'm a Vampire Slayer. I don't get it."

There was a silence before Jacinta asked, "Get what?"

"What a Slayer is, the Council, Kate…life…" she trailed off and took a large
drink.

"Why tell him now? After all, you've been working for him for six or so months."

"Why not? He deserves to know who his son is hanging around with, who works
for him. A Slayer is…what do you guys say? A Slayer is someone who is…"

"Chosen for a special duty in life," Jacinta suggested, not sure about the
direction of Faith's thoughts. She questioned her wisdom in giving her alcohol.
"You have known much pain and suffering, that is bound to stress you out
sometimes. Especially when you cannot share your feelings with other people."

"This isn't about me, though is it. I'm just one in a long line." Faith closed
her eyes and willed herself not to cry. "Maybe I should move to Sunnydale and
continue B's work. It would be better for everyone."

"Do you really want to do that?" Jacinta asked putting her glass down and
nearly reaching out for the distressed girl.

"There's Kate…" Faith covered her face with her hand.

"What about her?"

"I can't live…without her I wouldn't be here," Faith sniffled amazed at how
she was breaking down in front of a stranger. "She is everything to me."

"But?" Jacinta asked sensing Faith needed to add something.

"Slaying comes first, or does it? I don't know any more."

"Faith," Jacinta said gently and waited until the girl lifted her eyes. "Only
you know what a Slayer is. Every Slayer has been different. Under the Council
we have tried to mould them into extremely efficient demon killing machines,
but everyone is still an individual. While the Council may have rules, it is
the Slayer's that define themselves. When I learned that I would be your
Watcher, I did hours of research into past Slayers. You are not that different
from many of them. Slayers have been chosen because of their independence,
their strength, their ability to withstand the pressure of being different. You
don't know it, but you are not the first Slayer to accidently kill a human.
Although you are the first one to ever serve a jail sentence. My sister
believed in your ability and I do too. I suspect your journey from good to evil
to good again has made you a better Slayer as well as a person. From what I've
seen and heard of you, I think you need someone like Kate in your life."

"Or someone like Emily," Faith said softly, "and I let her down."

"Do you know how many Watchers have been killed in the line of duty? Let's
just say that it is not a rare occurrence. We take on this job, knowing that a
Watcher is a target. We do it anyway, because we believe that we can serve
humanity by helping a Slayer do her job." Jacinta stopped for a moment to let
her words take effect. "Your calling in life is to serve the world, never doubt
that. If you feel you do this best with Kate, don't change that. The Council
concurs with Mr Giles's opinion that she has been a positive influence in your
life."

"This isn't about Council opinion," Faith spat out.

"I'm not saying it is, I'm telling you what I have heard, since I don't have
first-hand knowledge of what you are talking about." Jacinta held out her hands
as a plea of calm. "Don't change what has been working for you." 

Faith nodded and closed her eyes. "Thanks, I needed to hear that."

"It's part of my job," Jacinta smiled gently.

"Tell me about Emily," Faith asked still with her eyes closed.

"What do you want to know?"

"What was she like as a child?"

A couple of hours later, Jacinta laid a blanket on the sleeping body of the
Slayer and headed for her own bed.

********************
END PART TWO
********************



********************
PART THREE
********************
Kate stopped her car outside her apartment building and sighed. All she wanted
was a warm shower before going to bed. The case she was working had no leads
leaving everyone frustrated at the lack of progress. She locked the car and
headed into the building.

"Kate."

"Marcus, Barbara, what are you doing here?" Kate asked, feeling her heartbeat
increase. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk," Marcus said. Kate nodded and they made their way up to her
apartment.

"What is it?" Kate asked once they were seated inside. "Faith?"

"Um, there's no easy way to put this," Marcus said scratching his head. "She
told us tonight that she has…"

"Killed," Barbara finished for her husband. They looked to Kate, pleading with
her to tell them it was a sick joke.

"What did she say exactly?" Kate asked, reaching for the phone.

"That she was a killer," Barbara supplied. "We've already tried calling her.
She's not home and she's not answering her cell."

Kate dialled both numbers anyway, but had no success. "Just a moment," she
said as she retrieved her address book and dialled another two numbers. Neither
Cordelia nor Giles had heard from her. Reluctantly she turned back to the
married couple. "She wasn't lying."

"I don't believe this," Marcus whispered.

"I don't know why she told you, but there are things about Faith that you have
no idea about," Kate said choosing her words carefully. She wasn't sure how far
Faith had gone in her description. The Mayor's assistant killing was forgivable
in her eyes, but Faith had also killed in cold blood. Something she had
forgiven, but the cop in her would never be at peace with it.

"That's what she said."

"For instance, about a month ago one of her close friends died," Kate said
softly. "She thinks if she was there she could have stopped it."

"Oh my god, I had no idea," Marcus said looking at Kate confused. "Why didn't
she ask for time off?"

"She's in some denial about it as well as a lot of guilt." Kate leaned back in
the chair. "Yes, she has killed. She accidently stabbed someone she thought was
going to attack her. When she realised what had happened she had great
difficulty accepting responsibility. At that time in her life she had very
little support and what friends she did have, blamed her. It's no excuse for
what she did, but it is a credit to her that she finally accepted that
responsibility and turned her life around. She could very well have continued
on that destructive path."

"You obviously have no trouble in forgiving her," Barbara said leaning against
her husband for support.

"It took me a while, but I know she is the only person I have arrested who was
genuine about reforming from the start. She deeply regrets what she did, still
has nightmares about it. And I don't think she will ever forgive herself." Kate
looked at them. "What prompted her to tell you?"

"Uh," Marcus looked to his wife.

"I'm pregnant," Barbara said with a wisp of a smile.

"Congratulations," Kate returned with a smile of her own.

"We asked her to be the baby's godparent, along with you."

"I'd be honoured," Kate said, "but I'm guessing Faith declined the offer."

"She wanted us to know who she really was," Marcus said sadly. "Then she
blurted it out, in front of Josh as well. Thankfully he doesn't understand what
she meant."

"I see," Kate nodded. "What was she like when she left?"

"Upset, she tore out of the drive," Marcus shook his head. "I tried calling to
her, but I don't think she even heard."

"But before that, she quit her job, telling Marcus that it would be easier
that way," Barbara said looking to Kate.

"She quit?" Kate asked disbelieving. "She loves her job."

"I didn't have a chance to tell her that I wouldn't accept her resignation
until we sorted this out," Marcus said.

"Do you want her to work for you?" Kate asked bluntly.

"Yes," Marcus answered, "I want to put this behind us and help her through her
grief. If she killed in self-defence then I have no problems with that."

"It looks like this was a way to punish herself," Barbara agreed, "while we
are both shocked, we know what it is like to have secrets from the past. You
love her and I think we still love her too."

"Many wouldn't be as understanding," Kate said looking between them feeling
guilty for not giving them the whole story. "Some of her old friends, if you
can call them that, still won't forgive her."

"This friend who died, were they close?"

"Yes and no," Kate said then clarified, "Buffy was someone who tried to help
Faith after the killing, but Faith rejected her help. After Faith confessed,
she was one of the first to forgive her. Theirs was a complicated friendship,
but Faith relied on her experience and wisdom. With her gone, Faith is somewhat
lost. It is not something that I can help her with as Buffy played a unique
role in Faith's life. Faith blames herself because she wasn't there to save
her." Kate broke off and sighed. "I can't get her to open up and I'm afraid she
may be falling into old habits." Kate looked up to see them staring back at her
with wide eyes. "I don't mean killing, that is one line I don't think she'll
cross again, but she has a knack of finding trouble out on the streets."

"I know, I once heard her boasting to Roberto about several fights she'd won
in Boston. And these were against men."

"Actually, I'm so grateful I can talk to you about this," Kate continued.
"While I didn't have much contact with Buffy, she was a great woman. A very
compassionate, decent human that died saving her sister. I've been so busy
trying to help Faith, I haven't thought much about my own feelings. It's a
relief to be able to talk about it."

"Come here," Barbara said patting the space next to her. Kate shyly made her
way over to the woman and buried her head against the warm shoulder. "That's
it. You don't have to be the strong one all the time."

As a pair of arms wrapped around her, Kate let her tears fall. Marcus
discreetly moved into the kitchen to make some tea, while his wife comforted
the blonde cop.

"Thanks," Kate said taking the offered cup from Marcus and wiping her eyes.
"We need to find Faith."

"Do you have any idea where she could be?" Marcus asked sitting back down and
handing a cup to his wife.

"No. She disappears every so often, always showing up without an explanation.
I think she just spends some time alone thinking. There's this strip of beach
up the coast, but I've only been there once and that was at night. I doubt I
could find it." Kate took a sip, thinking hard. "You are the closest people to
her, other than me. She may have gone to Sunnydale."

"Sunnydale?"

"The town up north where Buffy lived, but Giles hasn't heard from her."

"Why don't we go back to Faith's and wait," Barbara suggested.

"That's a good starting point," Kate agreed. "What about Josh?"

"He's with a neighbour, he'll be fine for the night."

They finished their drinks and headed over to the apartment building.

********************

"Oh shit," Faith groaned rolling on her back. Sunlight poured in the room
making her realise where she was.

"Good morning," Jacinta said standing over her with a plate and mug.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep," Faith mumbled sitting up.

"I think you needed the rest. How do you feel?"

Faith thought about that and smiled. "Good." She took the offered breakfast.
"Talking about Emily really helped. I'm starting to remember all the good times
we had."

"It helped me too," Jacinta said sitting down next to her. "I'd forgotten how
stubborn she could be at times."

"Yeah," Faith laughed. "God, I miss her."

"So do I," Jacinta agreed.

She watched as Faith devoured the breakfast in silence. When she'd finished,
the Slayer looked to her new Watcher.

"Time to motor," she said. "Though it's not like I have a job to go to."

"How are you going to survive without a job?" Jacinta asked.

"I don't know." Faith looked down.

"Is there any way you could stay at the place you worked?"

"I thought you didn't want me working?"

"You have to live off something. Your job allowed you freedom because of the
schedule you kept. I recommend trying to patch things up there."

"You're kidding, right?" Faith shook her head. "I told him I've killed."

"It is up to you," Jacinta said and picked up the empty plate. "I know the
Council think it is best if we don't have any contact apart from the missions,
but please feel free to come if you need to. I'd rather you here than out there
alone."

"Thanks," Faith answered shyly.



When she arrived at her parked bike, she flipped out her cell phone. The
battery needed charging. Snapping it shut, she climbed on the machine and
started her journey back. After pulling up at the apartment, she noticed Kate's
car sitting there. Knowing that there was no way to avoid a confrontation she
sucked in her breath and prepared for a fight.

"Thank goodness," Kate said enfolding her in her arms after she opened the
door. Behind her, Barbara and Marcus were sitting eating breakfast. "Where have
you been?"

"Out," Faith said walking past everyone and into the bedroom. Kate followed
and shut the door. "Slaying."

"Marcus told me what happened," Kate said as Faith started stripping.

"So I gathered," Faith commented calmly, wondering the yelling was going to
start. She moved into the bathroom.

"He's willing to forgive you. I had to tell him about Buffy."

"Fine," Faith said turning on the shower and stepping inside.

Kate leaned against the bathroom wall and continued, "We're all worried about
you. It would have been a courtesy to call me if you were staying out all
night."

"Why?" Faith asked as she felt the hot water stream over her. "You haven't
wanted me to check in before."

"Faith," Kate pushed the shower curtain aside, "I'm worried about you. You
don't talk to me and I know you are hurting. You go out slaying at odd hours
and now you don't even come home at night. You can't go on like this."

"Yes, I can. I'm a Slayer, this is what I do. You knew that before got
involved with me, nothing has changed."

"Buffy is dead, you have to accept that and move on."

"Is that the advice they gave you when your father died?" Faith asked slicking
her wet hair back to look at her lover. "Move on, forget about how much they
meant to you. I know how to grieve, I've had a lot of practice, Kate. Don't
tell me how to feel."

"I'm afraid," Kate said reaching out and touching Faith on the cheek.

"Of what?"

"Losing you." Kate leaned in, ignoring the water streaming down her face, and
gave Faith a kiss. "I love you."

"You're not going to lose me," Faith said though her words sounded empty.

Kate didn't seem to notice. "Maybe not to death, but there is more than one
way to lose someone."

"I have to do this on my own," Faith said giving Kate another kiss and letting
her go before she became soaked.

"Why? Because you are a Slayer?" Kate shook her head. "Buffy was a human,
you…you are human. I can understand you, Faith, we both know what it is like to
lose someone to demons. It's one of things that we are connected by,
unfortunately." Kate stopped and took Faith's hand. "I am hurting too. I may
not have known her very well, but I liked her."

"It's not the same," Faith said as she took her hand away from Kate's.

"No, but it still hurts."

"I can't talk about it, not yet."

"It's been over a month!" Kate said exasperated. "There is never going to be
an easy time to talk about it, but you have to try."

"Kate! I can't. Every time I think about it, I either blame myself for not
being there or blame myself for not being a better Slayer. That isn't something
that can be solved with a nice little chat." Faith held up her hands as Kate
was about to say something. "Just give me some more time."

"I don't know how much more time you have. You are running yourself into the
ground. The last thing I want is for you to have a break down or do something
you will regret." Kate turned the water off and grabbed a towel. "How about a
compromise?"

"I'm listening," Faith said hating that she was now hurting Kate as well.

"Marcus wants you back, please work things out with him."

"What! After what I told him."

"Self-defence, that's what they believe. Do you want to quit?"

"Not really," Faith responded as she stepped out of the shower. She let Kate
dry her hair.

"Good. The second thing is I want you to start a journal."

"A journal?" Faith repeated with dismay, moving away from her lover.

"For your eyes only. I would like you to write something in it every day. It
doesn't even have to make sense. As long as you are getting out your grief in a
healthy way, I will not ask you to talk about it unless you want to."

"You won't read it?"

"No. I used to keep one during college. It helped me through a couple of bad
break-ups. Not that I'm comparing that to losing someone, but it involves the
same process. To make it work you have to be completely honest with yourself. I
promise to never look at it."

"Okay, I will give it a go," Faith relented hoping it would help lessen Kate's
concern about her.

"Thank you. Write anything, whatever pops into your head. It doesn't have to
be about how bad you're feeling either, you might want to write down what made
you feel good that day."

They walked into the bedroom and Faith started getting dressed. "So how are
things with Marcus?"

"They were both shocked. I told them you accidently stabbed someone. I didn't
mention anything else. I don't think any permanent damage has been done. But I
would like to know if that is what you wanted to happen."

"I don't know," Faith shrugged and sat down on the bed. "I love Josh and I
would miss him. But Marcus and Barbara were treating me like this honourable
person…" Faith shrugged again. "I got wicked angry and I guess I wanted to see
how they would react when I told them."

"You didn't think of the consequences," Kate stated, worried Faith was
starting to slip back into her old ways. "You are lucky you didn't tell them
you are a Slayer."

"I'm not ashamed of that."

Kate nodded and walked to the door. "Okay. You better go and talk to them. Do
you want me to be there?"

"Please?"

Kate smiled and wrapped her arms around her. "I love you."

"Love you too," Faith said, sealing it with a kiss.

********************

Faith lay on her bed, a pen in one hand and a clean notebook in the other. Her
talk with Marcus and Barbara had been awkward, but things were worked out.
Marcus gave her the day off and told her to get some sleep. She wanted to shout
at him, tell him to treat her like she deserved, but the security manager took
it all in calmly. They agreed that they would put the situation behind them and
she would go and see Josh on the weekend to sort out what damage she had done
there.

Kate had gone to work, still oblivious to the motorcycle she owned. Faith
smiled when she thought about of her lover's likely reaction to it. So now she
lay there, with some wicked cool music on, trying to think of something to
write in her journal.

A couple of hours later, she flipped back a couple of pages, amazed at how
much she had written. And surprisingly it wasn't all about her feelings of
guilt and shame. Tired of thinking about certain people she put the thing away
in one of her clothes drawers and set up the mini pool table Kate had bought
her for her birthday. After grabbing a chocolate milk from the fridge she
started practising.

By the time Kate opened the front door, she had moved onto the PlayStation. 

"Had a good day?" Kate asked watching Faith abandon the game.

"Wicked bored. I did the journal thing though."

"Did it help?"

Faith tackled Kate to the couch and kissed her soundly. Her hands started
roaming the cop's body. Kate stopped the movement and gave her a questioning
look. Faith ignored her and trailed a finger down the middle of her chest
before it veered off and zeroed in on a nipple. Kate grabbed the hand and
stared at her.

"Okay," Faith sighed and sat up. "Yeah it helped."

"And?"

"I did what you said. Wrote down anything I was thinking about, even if it's
not going to win a Pulitzer Prize. I can't believe how much I actually wrote.
Helped me see why you might be worried about me. I hate the fact that I'm
hurting you with my behaviour, so I'm going to chill, have some fun. B wouldn't
want me to go off the deep end again. I like your compromises," she grinned.

"I'm pleased."

"I have something I need to show you," Faith said tugging at Kate's hand.

"Sounds interesting," Kate replied following.

They headed out the door and Faith stopped in front of the motorcycle. She
held out her hand showing off the machine.

"So, what do you think?" Faith asked grinning.

"This is yours?"

"Yep, I bought it Monday."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Faith walked around it, admiring its sleek look again. "I've always
wanted one. In Boston I had a friend who would let me ride his. I got a good
deal on it too."

"Well, it can't be that much more dangerous than slaying," Kate said feeling
her lover searching for her approval. "I can't say I love the idea of you
riding that in peak hour though."

"I'll be careful," Faith promised.

"Careful?" Kate asked inspecting the bike. "I don't think that was the point
of buying it was it?"

"I happen to look wicked good on a bike," Faith smiled. "Do you want to take
it for a ride?"

"I don't think so."

"Come on, baby." Faith took hold of Kate's hand and pulled her closer. "You
and me riding off into the sunset on this warm summer's night. Having your arms
wrapped around me tightly, the roar of the engine between your legs not to
mention the vibrations." Faith shot her a seductive look. "Find a quiet place
and make out. You get to see me in leather."

"That's not a rare occurrence," Kate replied with a cheeky grin.

"Are you a bike virgin? Is that what the problem is?"

"Yes, I've never ridden before, but-"

"But nothing, Kate. Unless you're scared," Faith smirked.

"You aren't slaying tonight?"

"One night off isn't too much to ask for," Faith said pulling Kate closer. She
ignored the pang of guilt as she thought about the blonde Slayer. 

"Even Buffy had those," Kate agreed, wanting to keep Faith in this mood for as
long as possible. "Okay, I give in."

"Wicked cool," Faith said pumping her fist. The journal had also helped her
make a decision about Jacinta. For now she was going to keep quiet. Telling
Kate about Jacinta meant she would have to go into details about Emily. She
didn't need that on top of everything else dumped on her in the last couple of
months. When she was ready, she'd share with Kate. But not now.

"I'll go change," Kate grinned and headed inside.



Minutes later they returned, both dressed in black, though Faith was in
leather as promised.

"Helmet," Faith stated as she passed it to her lover before strapping hers on.
She slid her leg over the bike and held her hand out for Kate to join her.
"Come on."

"Where are we going?" Kate asked fiddling with the strap.

"Nowhere in particular," Faith grinned and reached out. "Climb on." Kate
straddled the bike then slid her arms around Faith's waist and pulled herself
into the warm back. "Now that feels good."

"I'm guessing this is one of the reasons why you bought it," Kate chuckled as
she wiggled around finding the best position.

"Oh yeah," Faith groaned. "You keep moving like that and we won't be going
anywhere."

"All settled."

"Tighten your arms around me, you're going to fall off if you don't," Faith
stated as she started the engine.

"Are you being serious?" Kate breathed in Faith's ear.

"Yes, I'm serious," Faith replied turning slightly. "Sure it has the added
bonus of being crushed in your arms, but this is your first ride and I don't
want anything to happen."

"Okay," Kate said and tightened her hold.

"You have to mirror my movements on the corners, okay. Ready?"

"Ready."

Faith guided the bike onto the street and increased the speed. Kate tightened
her hold further as they turned the first corner. After a few minutes of
becoming accustomed to the feel, she decided that it wasn't so bad. She could
see why Faith thought this was a sexual thing. Being crushed to Faith while
travelling at high speeds with an 805cc engine under them was doing things to
her body.

"You like?" Faith asked after they had pulled into a service station.

"I like," Kate grinned and not caring about an audience, grabbed Faith by her
leather jacket and pulled her in for a fiery tongues-and-all kiss.

"After that I don't doubt it." Faith smirked. "I'll fill up then we can-"

"Make out?" Kate shot her a seductive look.

"With the way you're acting, I think we better get back to the apartment
before we start."

"Never thought you would turn down sex because we're out in public."

"Sex, never, but with you I don't want any kind of audience. I'm the only one
who gets to see you like that." Faith reached over and stroked Kate's cheek.
"If you can cool it for another half hour, I'll show you what riding a bike is
all about. Then you can have your wicked way with me."

Kate gave in and they cruised around the streets. Every second Kate was on the
bike she loved it more. In the waning light, Faith reluctantly headed back.

"So, how was that?" Faith asked turning off the motor. They took off their
helmets.

"Wow," Kate remarked, still holding onto her lover's waist. "Can we do that
again?"

"Told you, you would love it," Faith chuckled, delighted at the child-like
excitement her lover exhibited.

"You sure know how to make life exciting," Kate commented. "What other tricks
do you have up your sleeve?"

"That would ruin the surprise now, wouldn't it?" Faith grinned and helped the
cop off the bike before standing herself. She patted the motorcycle before
turning to Kate. "So, you don't mind me having this baby?"

"I'm not your keeper, Faith. But I'm pleased you asked my opinion. As long as
you are careful on it. I've seen too many motorcycle accidents and I know who
comes off second best in them."

"I will be careful," Faith reassured. "I rode one in Boston and I never had an
accident."

"You do have all the necessary papers, don't you?"

"Always being the cop," Faith chuckled and shook her head. "Yes, Detective
Lockley, everything is in order and completely legal."

"Just checking," Kate grinned and started walking to the door.

"You know I don't steal any more," Faith said as they were greeted by Alexia.
"Well, not from humans. A couple of weeks ago I lifted this wicked cool lance
from some demon who thought it was still the Dark Ages."

"You didn't tell me about that," Kate said watching Faith take off her jacket
to reveal an expanse of bare stomach.

"Well, I couldn't keep it so I…" Faith trailed off noticing where her lover's
gaze was fixed and looked down at herself. "What?"

"Nothing," Kate shrugged.

"No. You were thinking about something," Faith pressed.

"You really want to know?"

"Well, yeah."

"I was thinking about pulling you over here, placing my hands on your ass and
kissing your navel. Then getting those leather pants off you and seeing just
how hot the bike ride made you."

"I'm wet," Faith said stalking over to the couch where Kate had sat down. "And
you must be too, the way you're talking."

"What can I say? I love tough-talking chicks that wear leather and ride
motorcycles," Kate teased.

"No you don't," Faith disagreed, "you just love me."

"Okay, maybe that too," Kate growled as she reached out and snagged Faith by
the back of her pants.

"I think that more bike rides are in order," Faith commented feeling a pair of
lips being placed on her skin. "Definitely a good buy and worth every cent I
paid," she managed to say before her mind became occupied with more important
things.

********************

The party was already in full swing when Faith arrived at Jay's. Kate was
called out to a new crime scene on an open case of hers. Faith decided not to
mention she was going to have a good time while her lover was going over a
gruesome murder scene.

"Faith," Jay greeted with a smile as he came towards her with a beer. "Nice to
see you made it."

"Looks like a good bash," Faith said taking the beer and opening it.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to the gang."

As they made the rounds of the room Faith found herself liking the familiar
scene. It had been a long time since she'd been to a party like this. There was
plenty of alcohol flowing and people were getting into the spirit. People
crammed most of the ground level rooms of Jay's house. The large living room
had been turned into a dance floor where a myriad of people were dancing to the
loud music. 

"I see you didn't provide the food yourself," Faith joked as they found a
corner to sit in. Pizza was the choice of the night.

"When I said a day off, I meant it," Jay said smiling. Faith could feel his
heated gaze on her and returned the smile. "Do you want to dance?"

Faith surveyed the room before looking at him. The last few weeks had been
tense and severely lacking any partying. She needed this one night to let loose
and she wouldn't be using violence to do it. Cocking her head at him, she
headed for the makeshift dance floor. Jay joined her and moved in close to her.

"You are a great dancer," Jay laughed a few songs later as they returned to
their beers.

"Yeah, you've got some hot moves, girl," one of Jay's friends commented as he
came over. Faith watched as Jay gave his friend a glare. The man immediately
walked off.

"Do you have a date here?" Faith asked already knowing the answer.

"No, living the bachelor life at the moment." Jay casually finished off the
last of his beer. "Do you want another?"

"Sure," Faith answered, confident that she wasn't feeling the effects of the
first. Kate would kill her if she drove drunk.

"Be back in a moment," Jay said threading his way through the crowd. 

Faith recognised the song playing and decided to head back out to dance.
Feeling the music flow through her she let herself go. A pair of arms wrapped
around her from behind and teasingly went close to cupping her breasts. Faith
turned around and grinned at Jay as they continued dancing.

Jay took hold of one of her hands and brought her into his body. As he leaned
down to kiss her, Faith shrugged off his hold and opened up a gap between them,
still dancing. He walked off and came back with their drinks. Faith took hers,
surprised to find it wasn't beer, but something mixed with vodka.

"All the girls are drinking them," Jay said in her ear when Faith gave him a
curious look. They moved off the dance floor and out onto the patio. Another
couple came up and they started chatting about the latest movies. Faith shared
with them news she'd heard from a sci-fi convention job about a couple of new
movies in the works. Jay dutifully got her another drink, when her glass was
empty. As he returned the music suddenly stopped and a fight broke out between
a couple of girls about what to put on next.

"Jay," Faith took advantage of the relative quietness in the house. "You know
I'm involved with someone."

"I was hoping you had broken up, since you didn't bring him."

"They're working," Faith said though she wasn't sure if she would have brought
Kate even if she were free. "I think you're a great guy, don't get me wrong…"

"You were flirting with me," Jay pointed out.

"Maybe a little, but not seriously. My six month anniversary is coming up next
week and I'm hoping to ask them to move in with me."

"Oh come on," Jay said, "you can't tell me you weren't serious."

"Even if I was, I won't cheat." Faith felt the alcohol start to impair her
judgement. It had been so long since she'd had a man. She'd always loved a good
hard screw. She missed those one night stands where she could leave without
pretending to care about the other person.

"Even if you were?" Jay asked confused. "That doesn't sound too convincing.
Look, if you love this guy, then I can understand, but you're sending me
signals here."

"No, I'm not," Faith said sounding unsure herself. "I do love my baby."

"My room is upstairs. You coming?" Jay took hold of her elbow. "All you have
to say is no and I'll understand why."

He was giving her an out, Faith thought knowing she was way past tipsy. It
sounded so tempting and Kate wouldn't be any the wiser. The music started up
again startling Faith out of her thoughts. Jay was standing there waiting
patiently. As her mouth opened to say yes, she recognised the song playing.

      Life is one big party when you're still young

      But who's gonna have your back when it's all done

      It's all good when you're little, you have pure fun

      Can't be a fool, son, what about the long run

      Looking back Shorty always mention

      Said me not giving her much attention

      She was there through my incarceration

      I wanna show the nation my appreciation


      Girl, you're my angel, you're my darling angel

      Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby

      Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel

      Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady

'Angel' by Shaggy. It had been playing on her stereo when she was driving over
to Kate's the night they first made love. My angel, she thought, I can't do
this.

She smiled at Jay. "I better be going."

"Did you drive here?" Jay asked disappointed, but he wasn't one to encourage
someone to cheat when they were against it. They walked to the door.

"I rode," Faith said stumbling.

"You should call a taxi," Jay said picking up the phone in the hall.

"No need. I'm five by five."

"I don't know," Jay replied, but stood aside as Faith brushed past him.
"Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, I had a good time." Faith reached out and straightened the collar of
his shirt. "I mean that."

She stepped outside and slowly took the steps down the drive where she'd
parked the bike. Turning back, she waved to Jay who returned the gesture.
Strapping on the helmet, she closed her eyes trying to sober up. Opening them,
she started the bike and prayed she would make it home in one piece. After she
was on the road, she slowed down and took the back streets home. Hoping Kate
wasn't there, she walked to the door. Driving drunk was almost a mortal sin in
the blonde's book and she didn't want to explain where she'd been. Thankfully,
Alexia was the only one who greeted her. Faith wearily trudged into the bedroom
where she immediately fell asleep. Seeing no one was going to stop her Alexia
took the liberty of sleeping in Kate's spot.

********************

Turning off the engine, Faith looked up at the house and sighed. When she had
woken up that morning, the memory of the party flooded back. Trying hard to put
it out of her head, she had decided that now would be a good time to see if the
Anderson's allowed her back into their house. Prepared to be turned away, she
climbed out of her car and walked to the door.

"Faith!" Josh flew into her arms, almost knocking them down the steps.

"Hey, JD," Faith greeted warmly. She blew out of breath in relief and entered
the house. "Where's Mom and Dad?"

Josh shrugged. "Want to play a game?"

"Uh…I need to talk to you first." Faith clasped her hands awkwardly and stood
there looking down at the boy. Amazing how a four-year-old could instil more
fear in her than a two hundred-year-old demon. "Let's sit down for a moment."

"What's up?" Josh asked as he bounced down on the living room sofa.

"You remember a few days ago when I walked out upset?" Faith asked treading
carefully. She had no idea what to say and wished Kate were by her side.

"Yeah," Josh replied concern on his face. "Are you feeling sick?"

"No, I'm five by five, JD. Do you remember what I said?"

"No."

Faith smiled at him feeling more confident. "I said some things that I
shouldn't have and I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I want you to know
that it had nothing to do with you or your Mom or Dad. I was feeling…sad that
day."

"But you're okay now?" Josh asked still concerned.

"I'm okay now," Faith reassured. "Still want to be my friend?"

"Of course," Josh said reaching out and sliding into Faith's lap. "Can we play
a game now?"

"Sure," Faith agreed. She looked up to see Barbara and Marcus standing in the
doorway watching the scene. "I'd like to say again how sorry I am."

"It's okay," Marcus replied, though his face showed a gruffness that Faith
hadn't seen before.

"Can I stay for a while?"

"Sure," Barbara answered with a smile.

Faith swallowed hard as Marcus disappeared out of the room and Barbara settled
down reading a magazine. She turned to Josh, who was watching her with interest.

"Thumb wrestle?" Faith asked self-consciously. For the first time, she was
checking her behaviour around the boy.

Josh held out his hand ready for the contest. Grinning, Faith clasped the
small hand and the battle began.

They spent the afternoon together, always under the watchful eye of Barbara.
When it came time to leave Josh predictably did everything he could think of to
make her stay.

"Stay for dinner," Josh pleaded as Faith reached the front door.

"Sorry, JD, but I have things to do." Faith shook her head, watching as the
boy started to throw a tantrum in order to blackmail her. "You know I would
love nothing better than to spend more time with you, but Kate needs some
attention too. I've left her home alone," she lied. "Don't you think she
deserves to spend time with me too?"

"I think so," Josh said dejected. "But you'll come back?"

"You'll be seeing me before you know it," Faith remarked and glanced up at
Barbara. "See ya, JD."

She extracted herself from the boy's hold and headed to her car without
looking back. Only when she was strapped in, did she chance a look at the door.
Barbara's eyes never left her as she waved to Josh and backed out of the drive.

"Could have been worse…" Faith muttered as she changed gears and headed down
the road.

********************
END PART THREE
********************



********************
PART FOUR
********************

CHAPTER THREE

"Marcus have you ever cheated on Barbara?"

"Yes," Marcus answered staring blankly at her. They were in his office after a
Wednesday morning meeting.

"Shit. When? Does she know?" Faith was stunned.

Marcus swivelled his chair towards the window and sighed. "Yes, the other
person involved told her."

"And she forgave you?"

"Have you cheated on Kate?" Marcus asked harshly, turning his attention back
to her.

"No," Faith sighed. "But since we're sharing, I almost did on Saturday."

"Faith, don't ever put yourself in that situation. One moment of weakness can
destroy everything."

"I know I was stupid, but at the time I was so tempted. I can't believe I
nearly threw it all away."

"Yes, Barbara forgave me, but we were separated for four months while we
worked things out." Marcus clasped his hands together and turned back to the
window. "I'm telling you this in confidence okay?"

"Sure, same goes for me."

"About a year after we were married, I was still in debt from my past dealings
before I went to jail. A woman I owed money to said she would wipe it a great
chunk of it off if I would…you know."

"Fuck?"

"No, give her oral. I owed her less than $5000, but it was a lot of money for
me in those days. It sounded like a good deal to me, one head job for an amount
it took me weeks to earn. Don't know why she offered the deal, I didn't care.
Only she was a vindictive bitch and told Barbara."

"At least you were trying to do something good, not just follow your family
jewels."

"I don't see it that way, not now. Cheating is cheating, Faith. Barbara said
what hurt the most was the betrayal of trust, not the act itself. I had done
something that should only be reserved for her. I broke my marriage vows, the
promise I made to her. The trust she had in me was shattered and I had to earn
it back."

"But you seem like the perfect couple," Faith said still not wanting to believe.

"We're not, but we have moved far beyond the incident. Believe me, any time I
find myself attracted to someone, I stay well clear. Whomever you nearly slept
with on Saturday, I suggest you distance yourself from them, it's not worth it."

"I'll try."

"Faith, you better do more than try. Kate is not the type who will stick
around if you cheat on her. In fact, I think she would seriously reconsider
your relationship if she knew what happened on Saturday. I doubt you could work
things out with her if you ever crossed the line."

"You won't tell her, right?" Faith asked horrified.

"No. But, I think she has a right to know if you ever did. I know some people
think it is better if you spare them the pain, but I know you. Once you get
away with it, you'll keep on doing it until you get caught."

"You know me too well, Marcus." Faith shook her head surprised as to how
accurate Marcus was. She'd done that once in Boston, though both men were
nothing to shout about. "This conversation stays between us?"

"Yes, I don't want Barbara to find out you know. And Josh, it is not something
he should ever know about."

"Of course not." Faith stared at Marcus for a few more moments. "I guess this
isn't the time, but I want to ask Kate to move in with me."

"That's a big step considering what you just told me, Faith," Marcus warned
shaking his head.

"I know, but it's been six months and I really want to make that commitment."

"Is that what it is?"

"Yeah," Faith said taken aback by the question.

"Are you sure this isn't about making a grand gesture to mark the anniversary?"

"Just tell me what you really think," Faith said not understanding him.

"Six months may seem like a lifetime to you, because I'm guessing it's the
longest relationship you've ever been in?" Faith nodded in response. "But six
months is not that long, especially not at the start of a relationship. It
seems to fly by because everything is new and wonderful. That doesn't last."

"I will make it last," Faith swore vehemently.

"But it doesn't. Sometime the honeymoon is going to be over. Things that were
new will now be a routine. It can go horribly wrong if you aren't prepared to
face reality."

"So, you're saying I will be making a big mistake?" Faith asked hurt by
Marcus's words.

"Moving in with someone is a serious commitment, Faith. You will be sharing
your lives under each other. Sometimes you learn things about the other person
that will ruin things. Barbara and I didn't live together until three months
before we were married, and that was after having dated for over two years.
Living with someone is a major life adjustment. Are you ready for that? Is Kate
ready for that?"

"Kate knows all my secrets, I have nothing to hide," Faith said staring at
Marcus. "Believe me, if she finds out something about me that she didn't know
before, it will be mild compared to some of the things she knows about me
already."

"Is that really true?"

"What are you implying?" Faith asked becoming defensive.

"You wanted me to be truthful. I'm saying that I have serious doubts that you
are mature enough to move in with someone and take on that responsibility. You
only turned twenty a couple of months ago. You have a lot of life ahead of you."

Faith nodded to him, but immediately dismissed Marcus's opinion. Her life was
a short one and nothing could change that. B's death had driven home the
message. By the time she was 'mature enough', as Marcus had put it, she may not
be able to enjoy it.

********************

Faith surveyed the room one last time after checking the clock. She had twenty
minutes to spare before Kate was due. Candles illuminated a table set for two.
In the background she'd chosen one of Kate's CD's that was playing a slow
meandering track. In the kitchen was a two course meal waiting to be eaten. All
it needed now was her lover.

When the door opened she uncrossed her legs and stood up.

"Hi," Kate greeted taking in the dress Faith wore and the apartment. "Did I
miss something?"

"Go in the bedroom and put on the clothes I laid out for you," Faith said
smoothing over her dress. Kate looked at her confused but went along with the
request. Ten minutes later she came out, looking much as she had done when she
had opened the door the first night they made love. Even now, the white dress
made her look like an angel to Faith.

"I think I know what's going on," Kate said taking Faith's hands in hers. "Six
months."

"I see you didn't get to be Detective just because of your looks," Faith
grinned before gently kissing her. Even though they had kissed hundreds of
times, the feeling of Kate's lips against hers never failed to remind her of
the love she felt for the cop. "And here I was wondering if you would even
remember."

"How could I forget," Kate laughed. "It was quite a memorable night."

"And here we are six months on."

"Well, it's really seven if you go back to our first date."

"And even longer if you count our first kiss," Faith bantered. "But everything
changed that night six months ago. It made me believe in love."

"Faith, are you getting all mushy on me?" Kate asked leading them to the couch
and pulling her lover onto her lap.

"Maybe," Faith replied a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "I always
believed love was for those who were fools or blind to how the world works. I
guess I was the one who was blind."

"Whoa, stop now before I start crying," Kate joked. "Any more of those words
and I will start to think a demon has messed with your head."

"You know Buffy…" Faith stopped and cast her head down. "Buffy wondered if I'd
had brain surgery when I started telling her about how much I cared for you.
Sometimes I wonder how I've gone from what I was to who I am. Do you think
someone could change that much?"

Kate felt a tug at her heart as Faith looked at her pleading. "Yes, but I
believe that you always had the potential to be who you are now. Only the
people around you never encouraged nor recognised this part of your
personality. With the love and support you've received from Frankie and now the
Anderson's, and everyone else, you have been able to show this side of yourself
without rejection or criticism."

"Do you think I could go back to what I was?"

Kate looked at her, wondering if she should tell her the truth. She opted for
a half-lie. "It's possible. If you were ever faced with a situation where you
couldn't cope, then you may fall back on something that made you feel powerful
such as killing. But it would take an extremely profound and heartbreaking
event for you to revert."

"So you think I've matured?"

"At your age, you're always maturing. But to answer you're question, yes I
have seen you mature and grow right in front of me."

"Enough?"

"Enough for what?" Kate took her lover's hand and squeezed it. "I see life as
a journey. We grow all the time; sometimes it's not always in the wisest
direction. I still have a good deal of maturing to do. And thanks to you I've
grown in ways I never thought possible. You have let me experience love that is
real. Hopefully we can grow together."

"But have I matured enough to be with you for the long haul?" Faith pressed
sitting up and waiting for Kate to respond.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Kate asked letting go of the Slayer's hand as
if she'd been burned.

"No. Shit, I'm screwing this up."

"Then what are you trying to do?" Kate asked calming down. 

"Let's just have dinner and we can talk about it later," Faith said striding
into the kitchen.

"Hang on," Kate said following her. Whatever she was about to say next was
halted as she noticed the kitchen. "What's this?"

"My surprise," Faith said as she ushered Kate back into the living room. "Wait
out there."

"Faith, is everything okay?" Kate asked not moving.

"Five by five, honest. Now wait out there while I put the finishing touches to
my surprise."

A few minutes later Kate was called back and asked to sit down. In silence
Faith served the main course then sat down across from her.

"Thank you," Kate said picking up a fork. "You cooked?"

"I cooked," Faith answered shyly. "Of course it hasn't been taste tested, so
it might be poisonous."

Kate smiled and stuck her fork into the famous pasta dish Faith loved. She
felt Faith's eyes on her as she popped it into her mouth and started chewing.
After swallowing she looked up at Faith and grinned.

"I think it's safe," she said. "All it needs now is a good bottle of wine."

"I bought a couple," Faith said pointing to the counter. "I wasn't sure what
to get."

Kate put down her fork and picked out the Merlot over the Cabernet Sauvignon.
"Not bad for a beginner," she commented on the winery Faith had chosen. "We'll
get some culture in you, yet."

"Maybe," Faith smiled pleased at her correct decisions.

Kate poured a glass each then sat down again. 

"This is delicious," she commented a few mouthfuls later. "You should cook
more often."

"No thanks," Faith said as she shook her head. "You see, one of the perks of
having you as my girlfriend is that you cook these wicked cool meals for me,"
she smirked.

"I mean it, Faith. This is absolutely perfect."

"The occasion called for it."

"If you are following a script, I would guess for dessert we would be having
chocolate mousse," Kate remarked remembering what she had made six months ago.

"Not quite, that was too hard to make," Faith said disappointed she couldn't
duplicate the menu exactly. "But I have something I'm sure you'll find tasty." 

"I see you have a hidden romantic side," Kate teased. "I bet if Angel
Investigations saw the way you were acting tonight, they'd suspect demon
possession."

"Wicked likely, and they might think that I've put some kind of spell on you,"
Faith said with a smirk.

"You mean some love mojo," Kate laughed. "My feelings for you are one hundred
percent real."

"I know," Faith said, "even though it took a while for it to get through my
thick skull."

Faith dug into the food, surprised to find it didn't taste dreadful at all. 



As Kate sat back and finished her third glass of wine, Faith started clearing
the table ready for dessert.

"Can you do something for me that is not entirely legal?" Faith asked
returning to the table with two chocolate sundaes.

"Use my handcuffs for purposes other than doing my duty?" Kate teased putting
her empty glass down. She noticed she'd drunk a fair amount of the bottle
compared with Faith's one glass.

Faith laid a slip of paper on the table. "Can you do a background check on her?"

"Jacinta Milton," Kate read. "Why?"

"She has come to my attention, I just need to know if she is what she says she
is." Faith sat down and mentally crossed her fingers.

"Sure, but it's going to cost you," Kate said picking up her spoon and dipping
it into the icecream.

"What?" Faith asked trying to remain calm.

"I get to use the strap-on tonight," Kate growled and flipped the spoon into
her mouth to distract her from taking Faith right then.

"You got it," Faith smiled relieved. She believed Jacinta, but the Council
played dirty and she didn't want to be the victim again.

"So start paying," Kate smirked and offered a spoon to Faith. The brunette
leaned over and slid the icecream off the spoon and into her mouth. Kate
repeated the action, but a hand stopped her.

"Not so fast," Faith said licking her lips. "I need to talk to you about
something before I lose my nerve."

"Okay," Kate said leaning back and patiently waiting.

"Um…" Faith looked down and chuckled. "I never seem to be able to get this
right."

"You know I'm not going to make fun of you. Just say it," Kate encouraged
still eating.

"Well, it's been seven months since we started dating and during that time I
think we've come a long way."

"We sure have," Kate smiled.

"You've become a huge part of my life, more than I ever thought I could
handle. Now, I understand if you say no, I mean it is a big step and I'm only
young. But Kate Lockley would you move in with me?"

"Yes," Kate said without hesitation, "I'd be honoured."

Faith's lap looked tempting, so she hopped into it. Their lips met in a gentle
and loving kiss.

"You really mean that?" Faith asked steadying her lover in her arms.

"Yes," Kate said her eyes swearing to Faith she was not lying. "I'm surprised,
it wasn't something I expected."

"Why not? Don't you think I'm ready?"

"It's not that. The last month has been a struggle and I didn't think you had
this on your mind. You're right, it is a big step, but we could break it up
into smaller ones. My apartment still has another six weeks to go on the lease.
So if you want we could do a trial first, just to see if it will work out."

"A trial?" Faith asked unsure.

"I'll live here, but if we find out we're not ready, then no harm done, we can
wait until later," Kate said caressing the tattoo on Faith's arm. "Don't get me
wrong, I really want to do this, I just think that we need to be practical
about it as well."

"I've been thinking practical," Faith smirked, her uncertainty slipping away.
"We'll be saving money."

Kate's lips curled in a wide smile before they met her lover's soft warm ones
in another kiss. Faith drew back and sighed. That earned her a curious look
from the blonde. She looked away and placed her head on Kate's shoulder.

"We will be fine," Kate reassured hoping she had correctly guessed Faith's
mood. "I know you can do this, and I know I'm ready too." Kate looked down at
her lover's hopeful face. "I've already given you my loyalty, I want nothing
else than to share my life with you. To be able to see you and love you every
day. I'm assuming that's what you want too?"

"Of course," Faith whispered. "Every moment should count."

"So how about we finish our dessert and I'll show you how much I love you?"

"I don't want to take you for granted," Faith murmured as she reached up and
caressed Kate's cheek. "If I do, just kick some sense into me and make me see
that I have a beautiful, sexy girlfriend that knows what a Slayer is."

"Will do," Kate smiled gently and took a hand in hers. "Same goes for me, only
telling me would be fine, as opposed to the kicking."

That garnered a grin from her lover. She reached over and snagged the half-
eaten dessert, proceeding to share the rest with the Slayer. They moved into
the bedroom, and Faith paid up in an enjoyable night of making love.

********************
CHAPTER FOUR

Faith wiped the tears away, cursing her timing as the demon strode towards
her. She remembered fighting a demon that looked like this when slaying in
Sunnydale with Buffy. She missed those nights, the two Chosen Ones fighting
side by side. It had been two months now since the blonde Slayer had died.

"Shit!" Faith snapped out of her thoughts as a hand clamped down on her
shoulder. Only her quick reflexes stopped her from being head-butted. "Come on
you wimp!"

The demon swung her around and pushed her face against a concrete pillar.

"What's wrong, Slayer?" he rasped in her ear and laughed.

"Your face," Faith growled and hit out at him with an elbow.

He held on and crushed her into the pillar again. "I'd say you've got a lot
more problems than that. I know a few people that would love to get their hands
on a Slayer."

"People or demons?" Faith found she had a hand free and tried to reach into
her pocket.

"Both. How about you come with me quietly, or I'll have to knock you out."

The demon eased the pressure in anticipation of Faith's answer. It was enough
to allow her to bring out the knife Angel gave her for her birthday. The demon
caught on quickly and slammed her into the pole head first. Faith gritted her
teeth against the pain then became limp.

"I did warn you," the demon laughed and took the knife from Faith's hand. The
Slayer heard it land yards away. "Now, as I was saying." 

He lifted her up by the collar on her jacket and started pulling her along the
floor. As they came to the door, Faith reached out with her hands and held onto
the doorway. She prepared for the jerk and winced as the demon kept pulling.
Her shoulders felt like they were being ripped apart. When he found he couldn't
continue, he dropped her on the ground and knelt over her, one hand on her
shoulder.

"You just threw away my birthday present," Faith warned and battled against
her head. She could feel the blood pumping through her brain and the world
becoming darker.

"Oh diddums," the demon said as he leaned over her, "get up bitch or I'll
finish what I started."

"Whoa," Faith exclaimed turning her head away, "don't you ever brush your
teeth."

In response the demon leaned closer, opened his mouth and breathed on her
face. Through the nauseating pain and vile smell, she gathered her wits and
used the momentary distraction to lift her legs and kick him in the head. The
demon landed on his back, giving Faith a chance to stumble towards the knife.
Seconds later she could hear the heavy footsteps approaching her. Turning
around she kicked again, sending him into the pillar with a thud. She advanced
slowly, her eyes fixed on the still body of the demon. After grabbing the prone
body, she crushed his head into the concrete a couple of times. The effort
became too much and she collapsed on the ground, fighting her descent towards
unconsciousness. He looked dead, but she didn't have the strength to find out.
Slowly she reached into her pocket and retrieved her phone. She was connected
to Kate's department, but was told she was out on a case. The darkness overtook
her before she could make another call.

********************

She woke sometime later, taking her time to remember what happened. Blood
seeped from her head; she could feel it caking on her forehead and cheek.
Rolling her head to the side, she noticed the demon was still lying where she
left him. Her cell phone was still clutched in her hand. The battery was dead.

Groaning, she gingerly sat up and looked around. A glint of metal caught her
eye. Crawling over, she picked it up and smiled. Pocketing her knife, she
glanced around. All was quiet. She cut the demon's head off for good measure,
not sure if the creature was unconscious or dead. After standing, it took a few
minutes to stop the world spinning. When she felt okay, she left the building
and climbed into the car.

Twenty minutes later she was leaning heavily on the wall while she waited for
a door to be opened.

"What happened to you!" Jacinta exclaimed as she ushered Faith inside.

"Demon," Faith mumbled allowing herself to be led to the couch. She waited
while Jacinta retrieved a first aid kit. "I can do it."

"No, you look out of it," Jacinta said softly, dabbing at the dried cut on
Faith's hairline. "Going to tell me about it?"

"Do I have to?" Faith groused.

"No, but since I am your Watcher…" Jacinta broke off as she noticed a few
scratches on the back of Faith's neck.

"Demon got the better of me, it happens," Faith shrugged.

"It happens?" Jacinta raised an eyebrow. "There is always a reason."

"I was thinking about Buffy, okay," Faith mumbled and looked away in
embarrassment. "Fuck, I can't believe she's gone."

"So, why did you come here?"

"Kate's working, or she was before I blacked out."

"Blacked out?" Jacinta looked up in concern. "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Bullshit," Faith said grabbing the gentle hand that was still working on her
cuts. "I've spent too much time in those things."

"You may be concussed," Jacinta said resuming her work.

Faith shook her head. "I don't need no doctor poking around. If I'm concussed
then I'll make sure I'm careful."

"I'm not going to be able to change your mind, am I?" Jacinta gave her a small
smile, remembering her sister's stories about Faith's hard-headedness.

"Not unless you invoke Council rules or whatever, not a good thing to do if
you want me to cooperate," Faith returned the smile.

"Okay." Jacinta finished patching her up and gave her a couple of aspirin for
the pain. "Have you eaten?"

Faith glanced at the clock. She must have been out for at least an hour. "When
I went out slaying it was daylight."

While Jacinta cooked dinner, Faith tried to make the world stop spinning
without falling asleep. It had been three weeks since she had asked Kate to
move in with her. It didn't take long for the blonde to move several things to
her apartment including clothes, books and the computer. The first couple of
weeks had been an adjustment period. Faith found her freedom restricted in a
way she'd never experienced before. The last person she'd lived with had been
her mother, not counting her jail time. Kate expected her to be responsible,
something she just wasn't cut out to do seven days a week. She'd been slaying
overtime to release the tension. She hoped that would wear off once she got
used to having Kate around all the time. Not to say she didn't love it, because
she did. Waking up next to her lover every morning made her realise how blessed
she was. Alexia also loved the move, Faith thought the Golden was happier now
that Kate wasn't away for a few days at a time. Three weeks into the trial and
they hadn't had a big fight, so Faith thought it was working out.

Always though, the guilt about Buffy's death lurked around the recesses of her
mind. Kate moving in had helped curb her destructive behaviour and she wasn't
obsessed about slaying like she had a few weeks ago. Until today she hadn't
even been hurt. She knew Kate was still worried about her, especially about how
much time Faith was spending out on the streets. After agreeing to write in the
journal, the cop true to her word hadn't pressured her to talk about the other
Slayer's death. Yet she dropped hints every so often that she wanted to be let
in into Faith's thoughts. Just a couple of days ago she commented that while
Faith was holding it together, it might fall apart at any moment. Maybe today's
narrow escape was her wake-up call. Maybe not. There were still demons out
there and she was still the Slayer.

She still hadn't told Kate about Jacinta or the Council's new orders. Someday
she would have to tell her lover about Emily, but things were going smoothly.
She hadn't spoken to Jacinta for about two weeks anyway, so it wasn't as if she
was lying to Kate about her whereabouts. The Council hadn't sent her on a
mission yet, but she knew there must be one soon.

The Anderson's had given her some space with found Marcus a little quieter
than normal. Kate and her went around there one Sunday for dinner, which at
least was free of incident. Josh, of course, was his normal self. She smiled
through the throbbing pain, remembering their game of basketball where he
scored an amazing 10 out of 10 shots with his child sized hoop. 

Marcus had asked her if she'd seen Jay again. She lied, not wanting him to
know she saw him regularly on her walks with Alexia. Jay and her had both
apologised, the harsh light of day leaving them in no doubt that it was a
mistake. Still, there was something between them. Something Faith had to forget
about.

"So tell me about Buffy?" Jacinta asked as they sat down to a simple meal.

"I loved her," Faith said quietly, admitting it for the first time, even to
herself.

"So I can see," Jacinta smiled. "What made you think of her during a fight?"

"We fought a demon like that in Sunnydale, before I joined the mayor," Faith
answered slowly, before digging into her meal.

"Do you do that often, think of her?"

"Of course," Faith said not mentioning anything about her feelings of guilt.
"Kate made me keep this journal, I've been writing in it about a month now. It
helps unload everything I'm 'bottling up'. As long as I do this, I don't have
to talk to anyone about it."

"So you are making progress?"

"Making progress?" Faith shook her head. "Someone I was close to died, you
sound like it's a bad thing that I'm upset."

"I didn't mean it like that. The last time you were here, you were in a bad
way. I'm was only asking if things have become easier for you to deal with."

"Kate's moved in," Faith answered.

"Is that a good or bad thing?" Jacinta asked since of Faith's flat tone
revealed nothing.

"Good," Faith replied irritated. "I may have only a short time and I need to
spend every spare moment with her. After today-" Faith put her fork down. "I
nearly died today."

"That is not a rare event, I would imagine."

"I must have been laying there for an hour, demon bait and hopeless to do
anything about it." Faith shook her head as an explosion of thoughts hit her.
"I could have let her down."

"Kate?"

"Buffy," Faith said leaning back in the chair trying to gather her thoughts.
"And Kate."

"But you made it out alive," Jacinta said, saddened by Faith's situation.

"Next time I may not be so lucky," Faith grunted and shook her head again. "I
can't put her through that."

"Kate?"

"Yes. Have I gone too far?" Her hand went to where a bandage was taped to her
forehead.

"Pardon?" Jacinta asked, not understanding.

"With Kate? Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to move in."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, but that will only make it harder when I'm gone, right?" Faith looked
around for her jacket. "I need to motor."

"You are not going anywhere," Jacinta said firmly.

"Why not?"

"Three reasons. One, you are probably concussed. Two, you are not in the right
frame of mind to drive. Three, you will regret what you say to Kate." Jacinta
sat back as Faith froze at the words. "Sit back down and finish your dinner.
Then if you want to go home, I will drive you."

"What does the Council think about my relationship with Kate?" Faith asked,
reluctantly picking up her fork again.

"The Council doesn't care about you being gay."

Faith laughed and shook her head, "I'm bi, but that's not what I meant. Do
they think it's okay for me to be in a long-term relationship?"

"Is that what it is?" Jacinta asked.

"What?"

"Long-term?"

"Yes, after Kate no one else will ever come close."

"After Kate?" Jacinta asked curious about the wording. "Are you really
thinking of leaving her? What's going on in that head of yours?"

"You never answered my question about the Council."


"They are wary about it, but not because they care about anyone's feelings."

"Let me guess," Faith sneered, "they don't want anything that could harm the
secrecy of the Council or the Slayer."

"They do tolerate your relationship, and recognise that she is an important
reason why you are doing your duty."

"They don't know how much they owe her," Faith whispered.

"Then what is going on?" Jacinta demanded.

"Before I decided I was ready to have a relationship with Kate, I had to sort
things out with the Council, and even when that was done I still didn't like
the situation. Kate already risks her life while on duty, I don't want her out
there fighting demons. I was okay with it because I know Kate can handle
herself. But now Buffy is…if a Slayer can be easily killed what chance does a
mortal woman have? I nearly lost a fight today, the one and only Slayer nearly
died. And the demons in LA are tamer than those in Sunnydale. It was only
because Buffy was doing the number one job, that I thought I could be with Kate
without one of us dying. Now I have to fight the stronger demons in Sunnydale
as well. Everything has changed, maybe I need to change too.

"Buffy has had boyfriends in the past."

"That didn't work out. It was Buffy of all people that told me to take the
chance I had at being happy, at making Kate happy. And I did."

"But?"

"Each day is a day closer to when I die. It could have been today. I want Kate
to be far away when it happens." Faith took the last bite of the dinner. "I
nearly screwed someone a month ago and every time I see him, I think what if. I
know if I do, Kate would be history."

"A coward's way out," Jacinta sighed.

"I don't think Slayers are cut out for long-term. I'm right aren't I?" Faith
looked to Jacinta expectantly.

"Most Slayers don't find someone as caring, loving and understanding as Kate
Lockley." Jacinta held up her hand as Faith opened her mouth. "Don't tell me
she isn't all of those things. Faith, when you talk about her, your eyes light
up. You told me you needed her and you do."

"But at what cost?" Faith thumped the table with her foot. "Her life? Her
heart being broken?"

"I'm hardly one to dole out romantic advice," Jacinta laughed to herself. "But
I know love when I see it." She turned to Faith when she didn't receive an
answer and saw the Slayer grimacing in pain. "Let's get you to bed."

Faith weakly protested before Jacinta settled her down in the single bed. 

"You wouldn't want to take the pain away, if you know what I mean?" Faith
winked wearily.

"I'm not that kind of person!" Jacinta could have slapped her.

"A queer, you mean?"

"Sleeping with someone who is taken." Jacinta stood up straight. "And I'm
straight. I hope you didn't proposition my sister like that."

"Never," Faith yawned. "Too good a person for that."

"And I'm not?" Jacinta asked, but Faith had closed her eyes. She collected a
book from the shelf and kept a vigil just in case anything went wrong.

********************
END PART FOUR
********************


********************
PART FIVE
********************
Kate woke from her light slumber when she heard the door open. Reaching
across, she switched on the lamp near the couch. The light blinded her
momentarily and when she could see, Faith was greeting Alexia. Outside the sun
was still an hour from coming up.

"Oh god, are you okay?" Kate asked as she got her first good look at her
lover. "What happened to your head?"

Faith reached up and touched the bandage. "Demon."

"Are you okay?" She asked again. "Your cell wasn't working."

"Needs to be recharged," Faith said wearily. She had woken up about half an
hour beforehand and snuck out of Jacinta's apartment. It wasn't easy since the
Watcher had taken up residence on the couch, but she'd managed to leave without
Jacinta waking. Her head felt much better and her mind was back to normal.

"So?" Kate made room for the Slayer on the couch and enfolded her in a hug.

"So, I got knocked out for a while," Faith said without emotion. 

She secretly enjoyed the attention as Kate fussed over her. By the time the
Slayer fell asleep, Kate had an abridged version of the fight and she was
understandably worried. She wanted to take Faith to the hospital, but Faith
swore her Slayer healing would take care of her. Still Kate worried, the girl
had been in a coma and head injuries weren't always obvious. The cop would let
it go for now, but one day she wanted Faith to have a thorough physical. 

When she moved into Faith's, she hoped things would settle down again.
Thankfully they did…until today. Though they didn't talk about it, Kate knew
the Slayer was still blaming herself for Buffy's death. However, the girl
seemed to have decided that she needed to enjoy life as well as dealing with
demons. Kate suspected she was trying to live for Buffy. With this latest
incident though, she wasn't convinced Faith was moving forward. The worst thing
was that she didn't know how to help the Slayer. She rolled over and tried to
get back to sleep, but with her mind otherwise occupied with her troubled
thoughts, it took a while.



Kate opened her eyes and rolled over to face Faith, who was still sleeping.
She lightly brushed the dark hair off her face and examined the bandage.
Sometime last night Faith had found time to take care of the wound. She frowned
as she'd never known her lover to carry a first aid kit around and Faith would
never go to a hospital unless it was absolutely necessary. Maybe she stopped at
Angel Investigations on her way back. Wesley or Cordelia would surely give her
aid in the very least.

The sun was shini